Missing in-game race descriptions in the BfW help.

[johndh]

While playing recently, I've noticed that while the major races like humans and orcs have lengthy descriptions, some of the other races don't, and this information is often contained elsewhere, such as in unit descriptions and on the wiki. I've taken the liberty of trying to consolidate some of this information with the hopes that it might be included in the game as well. For some of the races (like bats), it's more for the sake of having something there, rather than going into serious detail.

If we need to get really in-depth about developing any of these, like discussions about canon and any new information that needs to be invented, I'll make a new thread for it, so as to not have multiple discussions trampling each other.

Stuff from OP that isn't as relevant anymore:

First, a few simple ones for the peripheral races:

I kept the bats description very general and simple, so as to be widely-applicable.

Bats

The bats of Irdya come in many shapes and sizes, and most are fairly harmless, feeding on insects and other small animals. The larger and more vicious breeds are known to pose a threat to humans and other races, as well as their livestock, especially when encountered in groups. Typically nocturnal, they are often kept by those who share their love of the night.

Once again, very general with the machines, since they can be just about anything.

Mechanical

Animated neither by natural life nor by necromancy, the term "mechanical" describes a created artifact of an intelligent being. Most mechanical things neither move nor think on their own, but some are magically enchanted to do so.

Ditto for monsters.

Monsters

Not a true race of its own, the term "monster" incorporates many hideous beasts that haunt the caves, wilderness, ocean depths, and other climes of Irdya, as well as the tales and nightmares of its denizens.

Hopefully a little more descriptive with the ogres, but unfortunately I don't have much information to go on.

Ogres

Ogres are a wild and uncivilized race who live in the Northlands of the Great Continent. They are seen as extremely brutish and stupid by outsiders, but are rightly feared for their brute strength. Ogres tend to avoid populated areas, where they are driven out by force, and instead lurk the mountainous wilderness. Physically, they resemble humans or orcs, but are much larger and stronger. Very little is known about their biology or their society, if they can truly be said to even have one.

And now some more major ones:

The goblin description is ripped almost verbatim from the wiki, with only a few changes in grammar and style. If anything here isn't canon or shouldn't be included, let me know and I'll fix it.

Goblins

Goblins are, despite their appearance, born as siblings to the orcs and members of the same race. While other races usually bear children singly or in pairs, orcs will have large litters of children all at once, causing their populations to explode rather quickly. Within any litter, there will only be one or two true orcs, who will grow to the full size and strength of their race. A few more will be half-orcs, notably weaker than their big brothers, and relegated to supporting roles in combat, such as archery. The rest, often a full half of more of any litter, will be goblins. Goblins are puny, and quite frail, rarely growing past the size and stature of a human child. Goblins are born into a lifetime of near-slavery to their larger kin, and used as sword-fodder in battle. They thrive in spite of their tragic fate, in part because they are so very numerous, and also because their brother orcs are well aware how dependent they are on the goblins.

Goblins accomplish the bulk of manual labor needed by the orcs, with the sole exception of jobs that require the brute strength of true orcs, which the orcs revel in doing as proof of their prowess.

Ditto for saurians. No idea how much of this is canon.

Saurians

Saurians are small, slender, and lizard-like creatures. Much smaller than their Drake allies, they rarely stand taller than a ten year old child, though the distance from the tip of their snout to the end their tail can be as long as the average man is tall. Light and nimble, the warriors prefer to fight as they hunt- slipping through enemy lines to target the weak and the injured while their slender figures allow them to evade their attackers.

Society

Saurians are very mysterious creatures due to their tendency to live in areas inhospitable to others, such as swamps. Fatalistic in the extreme, Saurians believe all the events in a life can be predicted by the use of a complex form of astrology.

Saurian culture is sharply segregated between the genders. Within each gender the members compete and through skill, determination, and reputation establish a clear pecking order, with a chief at the top. On those occasions when the two genders interact they do not contest for dominance, the situation determines the dominant gender. The chief of the males is alpha if they are within their village or encampment while the chief of females is dominant anywhere else. This continues down the rank structure with each male or female being dominant over any member of the opposite gender with lower rank and submitting to members of the opposite gender with higher rank.

The segregation and alternating gender-dominance of Saurian society is an outgrowth of their clearly defined gender roles. It is the responsibility of the female to hunt and find food, skills which ultimately train them to be warriors; the skirmishers, flankers, and ambushers other races so fear. Males, meanwhile, are responsible for guarding the clutch- the eggs left by the females. While this leaves time for the males to develop and hone the arts of astrology, healing, and magic, it also exposes them to significant danger, as they are stationary targets for a Saurian clan's number one enemy- other Saurian clans.

New Saurian clans are started when the proper astrological signs are read. Called a "hatching", the female indicated by the conjunction select a group of individuals with lower rank and leave their source clan. Frequently all females with a specific trait will be selected, causing multiple clans to "hatch" at the same time. Selection is a simple process, no group leaving can be larger than any other, all the groups together can not be larger, than the group being left, and higher ranking allows a female to overrule another female's choice of who they take.

Because of the rapid growth of saurian populations, these frequent splits in clans, and the fact that cannibalism is not taboo among Saurians violence is one of the defining features of the Saurian life. This limits the growth of the Saurian culture, limiting it to fits and starts- as much of their knowledge is passed by oral tradition and their possessions must be mobile.
Geography

Saurians can live in many different areas, though swamps are by far their most common habitat.

Biology

Saurians live spectacularly short lives by comparison to most of the other races of Wesnoth, reaching full adulthood within three years and often dying by the time they are 10 to 15 years old. By far, the most common cause of death is violence. Saurian females produce clutches of about 20 eggs roughly once a year, which creates constant population pressure and would stress most carnivore's food supply. Hunters and scavengers, Saurians have extremely strong jaws and have a very powerful digestive system with highly acidic fluids, making them capable of eating and digesting their entire prey including skin, teeth, horns and bones. Further they have no aversion to and readily eat carrion and commit cannibalism. Due to this, the males of the Saurian race have specialized in cold-magics to take advantage of their own cold-blooded nature.

I think the merfolk deserve a longer and better one than I've made, especially with Dead Water going mainline, but I'm just working with the very little information available. Most of this was written from scratch, with just a few hints from unit descriptions and (I think) one sentence from the wiki. I didn't even know if they could actually breathe water until I saw the gills on one of the newer portraits. Anyway, this is a work in progress, so let me know how it is.

Merfolk

Something like a fusion between humans and fish, the merfolk are an enigmatic race with both piscine and humanoid attributes. They have strong tails that lend themselves to quick movement in any watery environment while their dextrous hands and intelligent minds allow fine craftsmanship and toolmaking. Semi-aquatic by nature, merfolk can breathe both water and air without difficulty, but tend to prefer the water, where they are quick and agile. They are typically wary of dry land, where they are awkward and clumsy, and they struggle greatly to move over rough or forested terrain.

Society

The merfolk live in the shallow parts of the ocean, wary of the monsters that lurk in the deep. Reclusive by nature, they seldom interfere with the affairs of land-dwellers unless threatened. Their most frequent clashes are with their rivals, the nagas, and with the various aquatic beasts that roam their territories.

Merfolk sustain themselves primarily through fishing, both with spears and with nets, and the skills they acquire here translate very well to combat. While the duties of the warrior are typically left to the mermen, their women, called mermaids, are unusually adept at magic. Their mastery of both the arcane and the elemental belies their faerie nature.

Since they primarily dwell in the water, where ordinary speech would be useless, the merfolk have an airless language somewhat akin to the sounds of cetaceans. However, on the surface they are capable of producing human-like speech, which they use when dealing with the other races of Irdya.

PS. As of 1.8, the race is called "mermen". Is that getting changed?

If any of these have already been done for 1.9, then I'm sorry, but that version isn't on Synaptic yet.

Still to do:

• Gryphons
• Nagas
• Wolves
• Woses

This thread chronicles my attempts at writing race descriptions for those who don't have them in the in-game help. Some have entries on the wiki, and others do not. Most of these descriptions are based on the wiki, on unit descriptions, and on what some developers have stated in other threads here on the forum.

Below are my current versions as of September 13th around 5pm (GMT -5) whenever the last edit was.

First, these are the ones I consider done unless someone with authority says otherwise.

Bats

Bats come in many shapes and sizes, and most are fairly harmless, feeding on insects and other small animals. The larger and more vicious breeds are known to pose a threat to humans and other races, as well as their livestock, especially when encountered in groups. Typically nocturnal, they are often kept by those who share their love of the night.

Goblins

Goblins are, despite their appearance, born as siblings to the orcs and members of the same race. While other races usually bear children singly or in pairs, orcs will have large litters of children all at once, causing their populations to explode rather quickly. Within any litter, there will only be one or two true orcs, who will grow to the full size and strength of their race. A few more will be half-orcs, notably weaker than their big brothers, and relegated to supporting roles in combat, such as archery. The rest, often a full half of more of any litter, will be goblins. Goblins are puny, and quite frail, rarely growing past the size and stature of a human child. Goblins are born into a lifetime of near-slavery to their larger kin, and used as sword-fodder in battle. They thrive in spite of their tragic fate, in part because they are so very numerous, and also because their brother orcs are well aware how dependent they are on the goblins.

Goblins accomplish the bulk of manual labor needed by the orcs, with the sole exception of jobs that require the brute strength of true orcs, which the orcs revel in doing as proof of their prowess.

Mechanical

Animated neither by natural life nor by necromancy, the term "mechanical" describes a created artifact of an intelligent being. Most mechanical things neither move nor think on their own, but some are magically enchanted to do so.

Monsters

Not a true race of its own, the term "monster" incorporates many hideous beasts that haunt the caves, wilderness, ocean depths, and other climes of the world, as well as the tales and nightmares of its denizens.

Ogres

Ogres are a wild and uncivilized race who dwell mainly in the wilderness of the Great Continent. Physically, they resemble humans and orcs but are larger and stronger. Even their adolescents are a match for most men. Ogres are distrusted in many populated areas and usually either avoid them or are driven out by force. Instead, they lurk the mountainous areas on the edges of civilization, where hungry ogre bandits provide a constant threat to travelers and caravans. While ogres are not particularly intelligent or quick, their toughness and physical strength make them a valuable asset in the armies of other races. They are especially valued by more ruthless commanders who don't mind the ogres' brutality. Little is known about their biology or society, if they can truly be said to have one, but they are said to attack alongside wolves and other beasts. Whether this is a sign of cooperation, domestication, or simply mutual opportunism is not known.

Next, the following are works in progress, and I'd appreciate some feedback as I develop them. These two are basically done, but could likely use some tweaking. Helpful feedback is appreciated.

Merfolk

Something like a fusion between humans and fish, the merfolk are an enigmatic race with both piscine and humanoid attributes. They have strong tails that lend themselves to quick movement in any watery environment while their dextrous hands and intelligent minds allow fine craftsmanship and toolmaking. Semi-aquatic by nature, merfolk can breathe both water and air without difficulty. Despite being able to survive on land, they are much quicker and more agile in the water and will rarely be found far from the ocean. They are typically wary of dry land, as they are awkward and clumsy there and they struggle greatly to move over rough or forested terrain.

Society

The merfolk live in the shallow parts of the ocean, wary of the monsters that lurk in the deep. Their most frequent clashes are with the various aquatic beasts that roam their territories and with their rivals, the nagas.

Merfolk sustain themselves primarily through fishing and the skills they acquire with spears and nets translate very well to combat. The duties of the warrior are typically left to the mermen while their women, called mermaids, are unusually adept at magic. Their mastery of both the arcane and the elemental belies their faerie nature.

Due to the difficulty of mining and forging metal in the ocean, as well as protecting it from rust, it is a luxury typically restricted to the warrior class. Clothing itself is a sign of status among the merfolk and many materials are prioritized for more practical applications, so commoners usually go without it. The clothes merfolk do wear serve to decorate the natural form, not to shroud it, as they see nothing vulgar about the body in its natural state. This is also reflected in the design of their armor, which mimics the musculature it protects. The wealthy adorn themselves with clothes made from oceanic materials like seaweed and the skin of aquatic creatures. Females in particular favor decorations and ornamentation such as starfish, pearls, coral, and shells of various kinds. Merfolk trade with land-dwelling races for materials that are not readily available to them when they have a need.

Since they spend most of their time in the water, where ordinary speech would be useless, the merfolk have an airless language somewhat akin to the sounds of cetaceans. On the surface they are capable of producing human-like speech, which they use when dealing with non-mer.

Geography

Merfolk are the only intelligent race known to be able to breathe water, including both fresh and salt water. Their bodies are naturally resistant to the cold of the depths and their strong tails allow them to swim faster than most humans move on land. The combination of their tolerance for various environments and their ability to cover long distances gives them a wide range of aquatic habitats. Thus, merfolk can be found all along the coasts and major waterways of the Great Continent and perhaps beyond. Although they seem to favor shallow coastal waters, no one knows for sure how many merfolk inhabit the waters farther from land.

Nagas

The serpentine nagas are one of the least understood races of the Great Continent. Part of this is due to their xenophobic nature and part is due to their alien environment. Nagas are one of the few races capable of any meaningful mobility in water, giving them access to a whole world effectively forbidden to land dwellers and further separating them from the terrestrial beings that they shun. Still, they are not true creatures of the sea, and their inability to breathe water leaves them in trepidation of the abyss. Living in coastal areas gives them an escape route on land against denizens of the deep while keeping them out of reach of those who travel by foot, wing, and hoof. Although nagas are somewhat frail in form, they are often faster and more nimble than their opponents. They sometimes find themselves at odds with merfolk when their territories overlap, but overall nagas tend to favor swamps and rivers as much as open water.

Society

Since most of naga culture is hidden in secluded swamps and bayous, outsiders are not privy to many details of their society. Consequently, the most common source of knowledge comes from stumbling blindly into naga dens. The ensuing fights have taught us that they become very territorial when their homes are threatened, with both sexes fighting alongside one another in equal standing and with equal prowess. These encounters happen most often in swampy areas near rivers where nagas lay their eggs. Beyond these few facts, scholars can only reason and guess about what goes on away from prying eyes.

Because many members of other races know nagas only through violence rather than through trade, diplomacy, or art, they tend to view them as murderous savages. Nagas sometimes use this to their advantage by intentionally fueling rumors that they are devilish monsters in order to keep intruders away. Some nagas have been known to ally themselves with orcish chieftains against their merfolk rivals or other threats. While scholars know very little for certain about the history of the race, the ruins of ancient naga temples lead them to believe that they may have once had a mighty nation. Unfortunately, these ruins tell us very little else about the past because the only writing appears to be a pictographic language unknown to modern readers.

Biology

Despite being scaly and seemingly reptilian, nagas do not share the same vulnerability to the cold that saurians and drakes do. Nagas typically stand about as tall as a man when they balance upright, but with considerable length of tail behind them. This long and muscular tail allows them to both travel quickly through water and venture onto land with a little difficulty.

Still to do:

• Gryphons
• Saurians
• Wolves
• Woses (currently being worked on by others)

[A-Red]

Great stuff! I'm glad someone is finally doing this.

A few nitpicks:

-You might want to avoid introducing the name Irdya into the manual; it isn't used elsewhere.

-Clarify that Saurians stand at the height of a ten-year-old *human* child; in this setting you can't take it for granted.

-Mainline doesn't place Ogres in the Northlands, assuming that the Northlands refers to the home of the orcs. Eastern Invasion has them in the northern portions of the kingdom of Wesnoth, but mainline campaigns have put all sorts of things up there, and there's no reason to assume that's their main home either. As of yet, nothing much exists in the eastern portions of the kingdom, much less the lands farther east of Wesnoth, and it might be good to put them there (as well as the Drakes, who need a homeland more than anyone).

I'm not sure I agree that they're summarily shunned by civilized races either. The one thing that strikes me about Ogres in mainline is how commonly they appear among the armies of other races--including humans, as in Heir to the Throne and Eastern Invasion (and i'd swear there are other examples, but none spring to mind). They seem to commonly sell out as mercenaries, and while that's not exactly *social*, it's a far cry from solitary lurking in the wilderness. Unlike orcs and trolls, there's no evidence I can think of that other races hate and fear them.

The merfolk could use more work like you said, but I especially like everything you've done with the Saurians. It's extremely detailed, and it all sounds pretty much perfect for them.

[johndh]

-You might want to avoid introducing the name Irdya into the manual; it isn't used elsewhere.

Well I need something for races that aren't confined to Wesnoth or the Great Continent, especially when some campaigns take place after the fall, and saying "the world" just doesn't have the right feel to it. I'll keep Irdya until/unless I think of something better. That does seem odd that an important fact like the name of the planet isn't mentioned elsewhere, though. Perhaps it should be.

-Clarify that Saurians stand at the height of a ten-year-old *human* child; in this setting you can't take it for granted.

Done.

-Mainline doesn't place Ogres in the Northlands, assuming that the Northlands refers to the home of the orcs.

Fixed.

I'm not sure I agree that they're summarily shunned by civilized races either.

Sure, they find work in the military, but they don't seem to me like they typically live among the civilized races, especially since you get mobbed by them any time you venture out into the wild. The unit descriptions even say they usually live in the wilderness and they're basically enslaved in other people's armies. I've rewritten to be a bit better, though.

I'd consider calling them man-eaters, as the meat cleavers seem to suggest it, but I'll hold off until/unless I get confirmation.

The merfolk could use more work like you said, but I especially like everything you've done with the Saurians. It's extremely detailed, and it all sounds pretty much perfect for them.

I can't take any credit whatsoever for the saurians, as I ripped it straight from the wiki, and I have no idea how much of it is canon, especially when it comes to stuff like the gender roles, so that's something I'd like to hear from a dev about. I seem to recall the wiki used to say that saurians reproduced by budding like a friggin' hydra, so I know not to take it as an infallible source. I know they're into astrology, though, as that's been confirmed multiple times. I'm thinking of taking out "Drake allies", as that seems a little restrictive, and they're usually encountered among themselves in campaigns.

[Midnight_Carnival]

I too am glad that someone is doing this.
Also, I must commend you on your style, you manage not to sound like the back of a cheap-fantasy novel.

I would naturally disagree on a number of points, but I will put that down to difference of opinion. I won't trouble you with things that I feel should change which may even be part of the Wesnoth canon. My aproval counts for nothing, developers will either like what you have written and incoroprate it (they may ask you to change a number of things) or they won't.

So here's my useless aproval

[zookeeper]

Seems pretty good for the most part, but please, no mentions of "Irdya".

[Darker_Dreams]

Wesnoth wouldn't be the first planet to be referred to as "the World." Heck, if you think about it we live on planet Dirt, err, Soil, err...

It probably is something that should be addressed sooner rather than later if there's going to be a consistent background created. That said, the two refs to irdya I saw 1 (the bats) could easily be replaced with "Wesnoth" (there might be other bats elsewhere...) and the other could be deleted with no loss to readability or meaning.

[johndh]

Okay, I've taken into account some of the feedback so far and removed all references to Irdya. I've also rewritten the ogre description.

Ogres

Ogres are a wild and uncivilized race who dwell mainly in the wilderness of the Great Continent. Physically, they resemble humans and orcs, but are larger and stronger, with even their adolescents being a physical match for most men. Many of them avoid populated areas, where they are distrusted and sometimes driven out by force. Instead, they lurk the mountainous areas on the edges of civilization, where they provide a constant threat to travelers and caravans. While ogres are not particularly intelligent or quick, their toughness and physical strength makes them a valuable asset in the armies of other races, especially by more ruthless commanders who don't mind the ogres' brutality. Little is known about their biology or society, if they can truly be said to have one, but they are said to attack alongside wolves and other beasts. Whether this is a sign of cooperation, domestication, or simply opportunism is not known.

I'm currently working on nagas, and I'll need to rewrite the naga fighter unit description, since it's really just a description of the race, and I'm incorporating a lot of it into the race description. Anyway, more updates to come later this afternoon/evening after I've run some errands.

[Darker_Dreams]

There is no zealot like a convert... pretty much just doing copyediting on your comma usage/comma splices.

Ogres

Ogres are a wild and uncivilized race who dwell mainly in the wilderness of the Great Continent. They resemble humans and orcs. They are larger and stronger though, with even their adolescents being a physical match for most men. Many of them avoid populated areas where they are distrusted and sometimes driven out by force. They lurk in mountainous areas on the edges of civilization and provide a constant threat to travelers and caravans. While ogres are not particularly intelligent or quick their toughness and physical strength makes them a valuable asset in the armies of other races. This is especially valued by more ruthless commanders who don't mind the ogres' brutality. Little is known about their biology or society, if they can truly be said to have one, but they are said to attack alongside wolves and other beasts. Whether this is a sign of cooperation, domestication, or simply opportunism is not known.

[johndh]

Frankly, I'm not sure that was an improvement, as some of your corrections seem to counter what I know of English grammar. Anyway, I'll consider the ogre description done, pending confirmation from a developer, since we don't really have a lot of information about them.

I have a preliminary attempt at a naga description, borrowing heavily from the naga fighter unit (which I'll need to rewrite). I'm somewhat fond of nagas and I feel like they get the short end of the stick, so I plan on expanding and improving on this. Hopefully I'll manage to put together something to rival the other major races.

[Darker_Dreams]

Like I said 99% of what I did was simply remove commas or shuffle other punctuation into where you were using commas to hold things together. You have heavily overused and misused that particular piece of punctuation. However, if you're happy I don't care. My opening comment, "no zealot like a convert," was my way of saying that not long ago I would have written it very similarly. That doesn't make either one right or good writing. I don't know what your linguistic background is; whether English is your primary language or you have a graduate degree in the subject.

[A-Red]

Like I said 99% of what I did was simply remove commas or shuffle other punctuation into where you were using commas to hold things together. You have heavily overused and misused that particular piece of punctuation. However, if you're happy I don't care. My opening comment, "no zealot like a convert," was my way of saying that not long ago I would have written it very similarly. That doesn't make either one right or good writing. I don't know what your linguistic background is; whether English is your primary language or you have a graduate degree in the subject.

The whole comma thing is pretty debatable. Every time someone criticizes my use of them I go back to whatever book I'm reading, and notice that professional authors are using them the way I am, which is why I'm using them that way. I've been immersed in it. The Elements of Style is probably on your side, but either way is well accepted these days. It may just be a matter of how clean you want your prose to look and how you want it to flow in the reader's head--one way may work for a novel, the other for an expository piece of text.

[Darker_Dreams]

fair enough.

[johndh]

Preliminary naga race description

Nagas

The serpentine nagas are one of the least understood races known to the people of the Great Continent. Part of this is due to their xenophobic nature and part is due to their alien environment, as they are one of the few races capable of any meaningful mobility in water, giving them mastery of a whole world effectively forbidden to land dwellers. Still, they are not true creatures of the sea, and their inability to breathe water leaves them in trepidation of the abyss. Staying close to land also gives them an escape route against denizens of the deep. They are somewhat frail in form, but often much more nimble than their opponents. Nagas sometimes find themselves at odds with merfolk when their territories overlap, but overall they tend to favor swamps and rivers as much as open water.

Society

The structure of nagini society is not as well-known as most of the other races, but it is known that males and females fight alongside one another in equal standing. Nagas typically settle in villages in swampy areas near rivers where they lay their eggs, and they become very territorial when their homes are threatened, often to the point where other races view them as murderous savages. They seem to rarely wage war against each other, but they are often ruthless to intruders. Some nagas have been known to ally themselves with orcish chieftains, particularly against their merfolk rivals. They are not known to have a written language beyond simple pictographs, so little is known of their history, but the ruins of ancient nagini temples leads scholars to believe they were once a mighty nation.

Biology

Despite being scaly and seemingly reptilian, nagas do not share the same vulnerability to the cold that saurians and drakes do. When balancing upright, nagas typically stand about as tall as a man, but with considerable length of tail behind them. This long and muscular tail allows them to travel quickly through water, and even venture onto land with a little difficulty.

Note: the thing about temples and ancient society blah blah, is taken from Temple Of The Nagas. I know it's not mainline and not canon, but there's such a lack of mainline information on nagas that I included it anyway.

Finalized (unless someone has a problem with them) versions of some others:

Bats

Bats come in many shapes and sizes, and most are fairly harmless, feeding on insects and other small animals. The larger and more vicious breeds are known to pose a threat to humans and other races, as well as their livestock, especially when encountered in groups. Typically nocturnal, they are often kept by those who share their love of the night.

Mechanical

Animated neither by natural life nor by necromancy, the term "mechanical" describes a created artifact of an intelligent being. Most mechanical things neither move nor think on their own, but some are magically enchanted to do so.

Monsters

Not a true race of its own, the term "monster" incorporates many hideous beasts that haunt the caves, wilderness, ocean depths, and other climes of the world, as well as the tales and nightmares of its denizens.

Ogres

Ogres are a wild and uncivilized race who dwell mainly in the wilderness of the Great Continent. Physically, they resemble humans and orcs but are larger and stronger, with even their adolescents being a physical match for most men. Many of them avoid populated areas, where they are distrusted and sometimes driven out by force. Instead, they lurk the mountainous areas on the edges of civilization, where they provide a constant threat to travelers and caravans. While ogres are not particularly intelligent or quick, their toughness and physical strength makes them a valuable asset in the armies of other races. They are especially valued by more ruthless commanders who don't mind the ogres' brutality. Little is known about their biology or society, if they can truly be said to have one, but they are said to attack alongside wolves and other beasts. Whether this is a sign of cooperation, domestication, or simply opportunism is not known.

You have heavily overused and misused that particular piece of punctuation. However, if you're happy I don't care. My opening comment, "no zealot like a convert," was my way of saying that not long ago I would have written it very similarly. That doesn't make either one right or good writing. I don't know what your linguistic background is; whether English is your primary language or you have a graduate degree in the subject.

*sigh* Time to show my work, I guess.

Here be pedantry; feel free to ignore.:

Ogres

Ogres are a wild and uncivilized race who dwell mainly in the wilderness of the Great Continent. Physically (#1), they resemble humans and orcs (#2), but are larger and stronger (#3), with even their adolescents being a physical match for most men. Many of them avoid populated areas (#4), where they are distrusted and sometimes driven out by force. Instead (#5), they lurk the mountainous areas on the edges of civilization (#6), where they provide a constant threat to travelers and caravans. While ogres are not particularly intelligent or quick (#7), their toughness and physical strength makes them a valuable asset in the armies of other races (#8), especially by more ruthless commanders who don't mind the ogres' brutality. Little is known about their biology or society (#9), if they can truly be said to have one (#10), but they are said to attack alongside wolves and other beasts. Whether this is a sign of cooperation (#11), domestication (#12), or simply opportunism is not known.

#1. Transition indicating that we're now talking about physical characteristics.
#2. I think you're right that this one needs to go.
#3. Beginning of non-essential dependent clause.
#4. This one is tricky, as it would be "proper" either way but each has a different meaning, depending on whether the dependent clause is essential to the meaning of the sentence or not. To say "populated areas where they are distrusted" would be answering the question of which populated areas they avoid (they avoid the ones where they are distrusted), in which case that information is essential and would not be separated with a comma. However, "populated areas, where they are distrusted" indicates that they avoid populated areas, which is where they are distrusted, and the sentence would still have the same meaning without "where they are trusted", because the important point is that they avoid populated areas. It's a subtle difference, and both are "proper", but I'm going for the latter.
#5. Transition/preposition, I'm not sure which.
#6. Same reason as #4. Ogres lurk on the edges of civilization. They also provide a threat there.
#7. Ditto. Their strength makes them a valuable asset. They're valuable in spite of the fact that they're stupid.
#8. Beginning of subordinate clause. That sentence is a little long and wordy, so I'll break it in twain anyway and give the reader time to take a breath.
#9 and #10. These serve the purpose of parentheses or dashes, enclosing a fragment of extra information. No keyboard I've ever seen has a long dash key and very picky typography folks cringe when a double-hyphen is used in its place. Plus, parentheses look kinda trashy and conversational. I use them all the time interpersonally, but not for formal prose.
#11 and #12. List of items.

The Merfolk description is still seriously lacking and I do plan on improving it, but if anybody wants to take a crack at it, be my guest!

Merfolk

Something like a fusion between humans and fish, the merfolk are an enigmatic race with both piscine and humanoid attributes. They have strong tails that lend themselves to quick movement in any watery environment while their dextrous hands and intelligent minds allow fine craftsmanship and toolmaking. Semi-aquatic by nature, merfolk can breathe both water and air without difficulty, but tend to prefer the water, where they are quick and agile. They are typically wary of dry land, where they are awkward and clumsy, and they struggle greatly to move over rough or forested terrain.

Society

The merfolk live in the shallow parts of the ocean, wary of the monsters that lurk in the deep. Reclusive by nature, they seldom interfere with the affairs of land-dwellers unless threatened. Their most frequent clashes are with their rivals, the nagas, and with the various aquatic beasts that roam their territories.

Merfolk sustain themselves primarily through fishing, both with spears and with nets, and the skills they acquire here translate very well to combat. While the duties of the warrior are typically left to the mermen, their women, called mermaids, are unusually adept at magic. Their mastery of both the arcane and the elemental belies their faerie nature.

Since they primarily dwell in the water, where ordinary speech would be useless, the merfolk have an airless language somewhat akin to the sounds of cetaceans. However, on the surface they are capable of producing human-like speech, which they use when dealing with land-dwellers.

Edit: Too soon for a bump, so I'll just append this here. Preliminary unit description for the naga fighter (since I chopped the old one up and sprinkled it on the race).

Naga Fighter

Most nagas are not exceptionally strong or hardy, but their speed and agility make them dangerous fighters in the water where they dwell. They are most effective in swamps, rivers, and coastal waters, where they can take full advantage of their natural mobility. Inexperienced nagas lose much of their mobility and fighting prowess when they venture onto dry land.

PS. What's the adjective form of "naga"? I seem to remember seeing "nagini fighter" a few times, and I took that to be the equivalent of, say, "elvish fighter". Is a nagini just a female naga? Now I'm thinking my use of "nagini society" was erroneous, but I'm not sure.

[artisticdude]

PS. What's the adjective form of "naga"? I seem to remember seeing "nagini fighter" a few times, and I took that to be the equivalent of, say, "elvish fighter". Is a nagini just a female naga? Now I'm thinking my use of "nagini society" was erroneous, but I'm not sure.

I've always understood that 'nagini' referred to female nagas. I think the race as a whole is just simply the 'naga'.

[Iris]

Naga. Nagini (and the misspelled version, Nagani) is just an artifact from the times when someone thought that female reptilians with mammal traits were a good idea.