Ruin A Wish

[Lalindo]

Granted, but it came from an ancient temple, and the sect of priests to whom it belonged are still around, they notice you buying it, and place a curse on you. With this curse, you are no longer able to communicate with anyone who likes you (only people who dislike you), all of your hair falls out, and every time you use the bowl (whether for drinking out of, storage, or otherwise), the contents of it disappear. You can't get rid of the bowl (because no one you dislike will take it, and you can't communicate with anyone who you like), you lose your job (due to lack of communication) and you have to live with the curse until you die, alone and hungry, on a park bench.

I wish for an uncursed galleon, (weatherproof, crashproof, and shielded from any sort of hostile intentions from other people) complete with uncursed and friendly crew and a few friends to share it wish [and none of this costs any money].

[Mountain_King]

Granted. On your first trip (a three hour tour, coincidentally) your neighbor accidentally lost his collection of termites. You found them just as they finished chewing a fatal hole in your hull.

Speaking of wishes, you know what I don't understand? Genies! They tell you to wish for anything you want and then they add some terrible twist. Like you wish to jump high, so he turns you into a frog. Why? Who gains from this? The genie? Where's the benefit?

I wish to jump high.

[Iris]

Granted. You attain escape velocity with your jump. Your remains disappear into space.

I wish to become immune to heartburns.

[AlaskanAvenger]

Granted, you are turned to stone and never have to worry about it or anything else ever again

I wish the salmon runs where I live will always be large and there will be plenty of fish for everyone without any undesired side effects.

[johndh]

Granted, but for some reason, not everyone is properly repulsed by fish. Your town is soon overrun by grizzly bear fishing enthusiasts. (That's a desired side effect for the bears.)

I wish I could get used to this Uberman sleep schedule faster and easier so I'd only ever have to sleep two hours per day for the rest of my life.

Spoiler:

Aren't undesired side effects the point of this game?

[Iris]

Granted, you die because of the lack of sleep. The “rest of your life” turns out to have been no more than a week.

I wish to live in wealth and happiness with everything I’ve ever wanted (and will ever want) for the rest of my life, one thousand years to be exact(in base 10, assuming a year as three hundred and sixty five days in base 10, each one comprising twenty four hours in base 10, each hour comprising sixty minutes of sixty seconds each, a second defined as the duration of 9,192,631,770 (base 10) periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the caesium-133 atom; base 10 being our standard numerical system using numbers with digit order as follows: 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9); that includes a family, and pets, and everything I already had anyway, and without wish subversions (so this and further wishes must be interpreted they way I want, not yours), and with perfect health.

[AlaskanAvenger]

Granted. Your wish turns out exactly as you wish, but after 1000 years you die and suffer unspeakable torment in the afterlife due to annoying the gods because of your near-immortality.

I wish for a fairly prosperous and average life before dying with no repercussions in the hereafter.

[phlegethon]

Granted, but you grow very bored because of your average life.
I wish for caffeine.

[Mountain_King]

Granted, but you overdose on caffeine, and your bones break down as your body is robbed of calcium. You collapse into a heap next to a coffee maker.

I wish word association was locked.

[Boldek]

Granted, but they also lock this one, so you can never wish again.

I wish that I would be able to confound everyone with my wish.

[Finrod]

Granted, but you confound yourself so you don't actually know what you wished for.

I wish for a Pegasus.

[Boldek]

Granted, but you try to ascend to the gods and get zapped.

I wish for a albertasauros that I can control.

[Finrod]

Granted, but then an AI computer takes over it and it eats you.

I wish for a A1M1 Abrams Tank with plenty of ammo and gas.

[Drakefriend]

Granted, but you are arrested for possessing illegal weapons and weapon smuggling.

I wish for something very bad happening to me.

[Boldek]

Granted, but at the last moment someone rescues you.


I wish for a car