An Orcish Incursion: The Rework [AOIRW] [1.16/1.18] [SP/MP]

Discussion and development of scenarios and campaigns for the game.

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Sire
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Re: An Orcish Incursion: The Rework [AOIRW] [1.16/1.18] [SP/MP]

Post by Sire »

So, I decided to delve into the rework version after hearing about it on Discord. I played the original a long time ago, so let's see what this is like!
-- Spoiler Alert: Regrettably, I did not get far before calling it.

* * * * *
An Orcish Incurison (Rework)
-- From looking around in the files, I noticed that aside from the name/appearnce of the main character and the theme of Orcs invading Elvish lands, everything is completely different from the original. I'm not sure why there is such a drastic difference, but was curious on how things would go.
-- First thing I noticed is that there is a lot of text. Reading through it, I can see it could use some proofreading and corrections, but the core ideas do still come across.
=== Seriously, take a look at the sentences.
"This elf had a childhood friend whose name was Sunllis. She was the daughter of the old oracle of the Elves, who was supposed to defend the right during the moment of expelling and taking away the title of Lord from Erlornas father a true heir, but accused of heresy and spreading lies, her title and name were taken away, and she was told to leave so that she would never return."
=== While the first sentence in this example is fine, the second continues to run on and on without rest for the reader. When writing, try reading the text out loud. This can help with the sentence pacing. // Also, who was accused of heresy, the old oracle or Sunllis herself?
=== If I had to rewrite it and take some liberties, it would be...
"This elf had a childhood friend whose name was Sunllis. Her mother was the previous Elvish Oracle.

The task of the Oracle was to defend the rights of Lords from the powers of the Council. Alas, before the previous Oracle could defend Erlonas' father, a true heir, the Oracle was accused of heresy and spreading lies. Sunllis' mother had her title and name stripped, and was sentenced to exile. Shortly afterwards, the father of Erlonas was also similarly sentenced."


-- And we are now in the first cutscene!
-- ...and here is where I called it. As a story guy, the presentation here takes me out of it completely. There are plenty of run-on sentences and I feel like a thorough proof-reading is in order. I'll have to agree with Kruggov's assessment, sometimes the script can be seen as incomprehensible.
-- While I did peek into the files and noticed how much text there was, experiencing it in-game is a different beast entirely. It really is like I'm reading a novel with the amount of text present.

-- Now, I love the idea of the campaign. The small party taking on a horde of Orcs is interesting, and I do see the core concepts of the story (Corrupt Council, Potential Heir to Wesmere, First Battles Between Elf and Orc, etc.). There is also nothing wrong with a text-heavy campaign, but I was not expecting the rework to be as wordy as it is.
-- As it stands, this campaign is not for me. I find it difficult to play through something when my immersion is broken, and regrettably the presentation of the AOI Rework's story does that to me. The core concepts are great, it's just the execution that is bothering me.
-- Best of luck with your future projects and trying to get the reworked AOI into mainline!

Reports:
-- witch = which ("One Old Day...")
Current Projects: [Sire's Scenarios] || [Red Winter Reborn]
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