Elven Love

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DEATH_is_undead
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Elven Love

Post by DEATH_is_undead » February 22nd, 2010, 6:26 pm

I was writing a MP Campaign for me and my girlfriend, until she broke up with me. Now, my touch of love has gone, and I need help with the writing the messages. I wanted to do it myself, but couldn't...


The start is on a sunset over a beach, were the 2 main characters (the 2 lovers) are in a pleasant chat, when all of a sudden a mage friend comes and warns of fire to the east. He thinks a small band of orcs has gotten past the encampment, and plans to attack soon. The 2 lovers go and warn the leader of there small village, and the battle has begun.

Heres the file, if you'd like to take a look at it.

Edit: Updated file below.
Last edited by DEATH_is_undead on March 12th, 2010, 8:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Elven Love

Post by DEATH_is_undead » March 12th, 2010, 8:43 pm

I feel like I haven't made myself clear in my first post of what I need help from writers for. I'm not the best writer; I'm a story person. Everytime I attempt to make a message for the story, it never feels like it fits. Here is what I have right now:
Beginning Messages:
Some criticism would be appreciated.
Also, here is an updated file.

Edit: Updated again.
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Elven_Love.zip
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3P MP Scenario - Great Dwarves Escape
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jaimeastorga2000
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Re: Elven Love

Post by jaimeastorga2000 » March 28th, 2010, 8:13 am

Well, couldn't play the scenario, but I read the script. Here's my take.

The first line is a little abrupt for the beginning of a scenario. A bit of silent action preceding it could make it work better.

The second line is pretty cheesy and artificial. In both real romance and its fictional depictions, subtlety is an important quality of the art. Overall, I get no true romantic atmosphere from this dialogue.

It is a bit jarring that Morton shows up in a cabin and just happens to see the fires in the woods which the couple somehow missed. It would be better if he came out of the forest after having seen the fires. Maybe the goblin could have been chasing after him, too, without either realizing what the other one was.

I hope you don't mind, but I actually took the liberty of rewriting your script. At first I just wanted to make the first part sound more emotional and evocative of love between the characters, but I kinda got carried away and ended up doing the whole thing. Tell me if it sounds any better. It may be a bit too long for your purposes now, but if you like any lines in particular you can just insert them into your dialogue where they fit.
Beginning Messages:
Also, this scenario actually starts at sunset, right? It would be awkward to have it be at morning or second watch...

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Re: Elven Love

Post by artisticdude » March 29th, 2010, 1:22 pm

jaimeastorga2000 wrote:Two elves and a mage?! My lord must know about this...
I've always thought Goblins, being the cousins of orcs, and probably never having learned proper English (or whatever the common tongue in Wesnoth is called), would be somewhat less grammatically correct when they spoke, and would probably slur words, use the wrong sounds (such as saying 'da' instead of 'the') and use slang. For instance:
What da... two elfses and a mage? I hav'ta tell da mighty chief Grumblebugg (or whatever the orc leader's name is)
I'm not sure how you'd spell hav'ta, but this seemed to work.

EDIT: grammar corrections. Trying to talk like a goblin affects the rest of your post, I guess. :P
Last edited by artisticdude on March 29th, 2010, 1:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Telaron
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Re: Elven Love

Post by Telaron » March 29th, 2010, 1:29 pm

artisticdude wrote:What da... two elfses and a mage?
Elfses? Sounds too Gollum-ish. Try just elves or maybe a more vulgar term for elves. (Like 'pointed ears' or something)
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Re: Elven Love

Post by artisticdude » March 29th, 2010, 1:33 pm

Well, my idea is that they wouldn't understand how the plural could be anything different than just adding the 's' or 'es' sound to the end of the word. So they wouldn't understand to replace the 'f' with 'v' in the word 'elf.' But of course, they might not even know the elves as 'elves', they might have their own word for them.
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Re: Elven Love

Post by DEATH_is_undead » April 6th, 2010, 2:08 pm

Sorry for the late post; I thought I already posted here...
artisticdude wrote:Well, my idea is that they wouldn't understand how the plural could be anything different than just adding the 's' or 'es' sound to the end of the word. So they wouldn't understand to replace the 'f' with 'v' in the word 'elf.' But of course, they might not even know the elves as 'elves', they might have their own word for them.
I'm not sure about this. I'd have to look at other campaigns and study them more to fully understand them.
jaimeastorga2000 wrote: The first line is a little abrupt for the beginning of a scenario. A bit of silent action preceding it could make it work better.
[/event]
Problem is, I want the images to all be default, and I don't like using narrator to do actions...
The second line is pretty cheesy and artificial. In both real romance and its fictional depictions, subtlety is an important quality of the art. Overall, I get no true romantic atmosphere from this dialogue.
Which is why I need a re-write.
[event]
It is a bit jarring that Morton shows up in a cabin and just happens to see the fires in the woods which the couple somehow missed. It would be better if he came out of the forest after having seen the fires. Maybe the goblin could have been chasing after him, too, without either realizing what the other one was.
[/event]The couple are facing the other way, on a beach. But yes, I see your point.
I hope you don't mind, but I actually took the liberty of rewriting your script. At first I just wanted to make the first part sound more emotional and evocative of love between the characters, but I kinda got carried away and ended up doing the whole thing. Tell me if it sounds any better. It may be a bit too long for your purposes now, but if you like any lines in particular you can just insert them into your dialogue where they fit.
Any work done here is less I have to do later. :wink:
Beginning Messages:
2 problems I see with that...
1st) As far as I can tell, its impossible to add the MP player's name into a message; which was my main point all along. So far, I've been using my own names.

2nd) The blushing of the female requires custom art, making the players have to download the addon to play.
Also, this scenario actually starts at sunset, right? It would be awkward to have it be at morning or second watch...
Its forced at sunset by code.

I love your critism, jaimeastorga2000. It shows me whats wrong, and allows me to better improve it. Thanks.
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jaimeastorga2000
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Re: Elven Love

Post by jaimeastorga2000 » April 6th, 2010, 3:17 pm

Problem is, I want the images to all be default, and I don't like using narrator to do actions...
Custom art is not required in order to do silent theatrics (though it can help sometimes). If you are interested in the concept, I would suggest you look at some 2D RPGs like Earthbound and the GBA Final Fantasy ports and study their use of sprites to convey actions and emotions. You would be amazed at what you can get across by having sprites turn around in place and move back and forth a little (with the right musical cues for extra effects); disorientation, francticness, hesitation, or even something like this.

I'm glad you liked my criticism, though ^_^ Good luck with your campaign!

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Re: Elven Love

Post by DEATH_is_undead » April 6th, 2010, 8:21 pm

jaimeastorga2000 wrote:
Problem is, I want the images to all be default, and I don't like using narrator to do actions...
Custom art is not required in order to do silent theatrics (though it can help sometimes). If you are interested in the concept, I would suggest you look at some 2D RPGs like Earthbound and the GBA Final Fantasy ports and study their use of sprites to convey actions and emotions. You would be amazed at what you can get across by having sprites turn around in place and move back and forth a little (with the right musical cues for extra effects); disorientation, francticness, hesitation, or even something like this.
Those are all using a better (Better as in more advanced, as well) language them WML. As far as I know, there is a feature request, but not a feature yet. Of course, if someone can correct me on this, please do.

I was about to make this into code when I noticed this:
*In any case, now she moves next to the male elf and they spend a few moments alone together, just standing there.*
I'm not even sure if this is possible to do in WML. (Make a time limit between events)
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jaimeastorga2000
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Re: Elven Love

Post by jaimeastorga2000 » April 6th, 2010, 9:05 pm

Huh, I have only passing familiarity with WML, but... couldn't you simulate time passing by triggering an event which took time to compute but has no graphical/auditory traces?

Otherwise, if nobody can come up with a way to do it, I apologize for suggesting things that aren't implementable. I guess the next best thing would be to include a small narration message (something like "Time passes..."), but you said you didn't like those.

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Re: Elven Love

Post by AI » April 6th, 2010, 9:58 pm

There's a [delay] tag, no problem.

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Re: Elven Love

Post by DEATH_is_undead » April 7th, 2010, 12:43 am

jaimeastorga2000 wrote: Otherwise, if nobody can come up with a way to do it, I apologize for suggesting things that aren't implementable.
Thats how things are implemented into Wesnoth.
AI wrote:There's a [delay] tag, no problem.
Ahhh, I've never had to use that until now. Thanks, AI.
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Re: Elven Love

Post by Icarusvogel » April 7th, 2010, 4:44 pm

What about "tree-huggers" (ok, dree-huggers in gobbo speak) as a "vulgar term for elves?
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Re: Elven Love

Post by DEATH_is_undead » April 7th, 2010, 6:48 pm

Icarusvogel wrote:What about "tree-huggers" (ok, dree-huggers in gobbo speak) as a "vulgar term for elves?
If we can find a place for it. But, it might make the beginning too long, because to do that would have to make the goblin have another message.
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Re: Elven Love

Post by Icarusvogel » April 7th, 2010, 7:02 pm

"Yaaack! Ah mage and doo dree-huggers! Must dell master!
You are a Necromancer - Intelligent and powerful, yet reclusive and misunderstood, you dabble in dark arts that everyone else can only dream of.

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