Scarlet Sea [campaign storyline]
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
he doesnt mean the assasin but valia
why is the assasin helping the most feared person in the land ( valia) ?
- battlestar
- Posts: 690
- Joined: January 1st, 2007, 7:12 am
Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
He doesn't know what Valia looks like, plus middle of the night in a panic she looked like just a little girl.
LUA: Llama Under Apprenticeship
Hell faction: completed
Hell faction: completed
- battlestar
- Posts: 690
- Joined: January 1st, 2007, 7:12 am
Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
Revision of Crimson Sea from the start:
Prologue:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Part 2:
It was magnificent inside the city. Magic danced in the air while armed soldiers hurried about. A group of city guards introduced themselves to Valia and Skarbod, explaining that only children and capable fighters were let into the city, where they are expected to be of service to the city’s defense.
One of the guards led the two to their captain. The captain introduces Valia and Skarbod to a task board, filled with low priority tasks. By the captain's orders they were to undertake the tasks of their choosing.
Part 3:
Days had gone by, and there was no sign of Valia’s grandfather in the city. Having just returned from an exhausting errand, Valia strolled slowly in the night breeze to relax her mind. She thought about her grandfather, her old friends, and the tower city where she lived in. Valia closed her eyes, and immersed herself in the warmth of her memories.
A gigantic explosion shook Valia awake. She looked up, and saw fire and smoke dancing triumphantly over the main tower of the city. While distracted by the sudden event, a cloaked man rammed into her. Shaking off bewilderment, Valia found herself being carried off by the man. She struggled, yet no movement came to her muscles. Shear terror overcame her. Behind the cloaked man, ground shook and split open. Tongues of flame peeked out from the cracked earth and licked the air. The world was falling apart all around them.
I'm a bit happier where this story is going than the original version.
Looking for help of writer(s) on this demons related campaign. Few limitations on the story line, I don't mind if someone wants to start over with the story or continue where I left off. Thanks!
Prologue:
Pre-scn1
pre-scn 2
pre-scn 3
pre-scn 4
end of prologue
Chapter 1
Part 0
Part 1
Part 2:
Chapter 2
Part 1
It was magnificent inside the city. Magic danced in the air while armed soldiers hurried about. A group of city guards introduced themselves to Valia and Skarbod, explaining that only children and capable fighters were let into the city, where they are expected to be of service to the city’s defense.
One of the guards led the two to their captain. The captain introduces Valia and Skarbod to a task board, filled with low priority tasks. By the captain's orders they were to undertake the tasks of their choosing.
Part 3:
Days had gone by, and there was no sign of Valia’s grandfather in the city. Having just returned from an exhausting errand, Valia strolled slowly in the night breeze to relax her mind. She thought about her grandfather, her old friends, and the tower city where she lived in. Valia closed her eyes, and immersed herself in the warmth of her memories.
A gigantic explosion shook Valia awake. She looked up, and saw fire and smoke dancing triumphantly over the main tower of the city. While distracted by the sudden event, a cloaked man rammed into her. Shaking off bewilderment, Valia found herself being carried off by the man. She struggled, yet no movement came to her muscles. Shear terror overcame her. Behind the cloaked man, ground shook and split open. Tongues of flame peeked out from the cracked earth and licked the air. The world was falling apart all around them.
I'm a bit happier where this story is going than the original version.
Looking for help of writer(s) on this demons related campaign. Few limitations on the story line, I don't mind if someone wants to start over with the story or continue where I left off. Thanks!
Story of Eleanor
Last edited by battlestar on June 3rd, 2012, 2:11 am, edited 31 times in total.
LUA: Llama Under Apprenticeship
Hell faction: completed
Hell faction: completed
Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
Half dwarf half elf? That's gonna be something to see!
Guys I never thought I'd come back to this forum after 8 years this is wild
- battlestar
- Posts: 690
- Joined: January 1st, 2007, 7:12 am
Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
I have not decided,
His facial features has the elegancy that of an elf, with pointy ears and long flowing blond hair, but a build similar to a dwarf, short and stout. However, he is much taller compared to an average dwarf. His weapon of choice is a bow, and carries an axe for melee combat.
Prologue 2 added
His facial features has the elegancy that of an elf, with pointy ears and long flowing blond hair, but a build similar to a dwarf, short and stout. However, he is much taller compared to an average dwarf. His weapon of choice is a bow, and carries an axe for melee combat.
Prologue 2 added
-Is this segment of story clear on what happened or just too confusing yet?The elven king united all of the elven tribes under him, but it was not enough. His advisor pushed for the conquest of humans. The ultimate peace is just beyond total domination, when all become one. However, the king's soul was old and weary, having been ground away little by little by years of warfare. There will be no more, it's time for peace, even if it's with the humans.
Under the persuasion of his advisor, the king had a change of heart. With the elven army ripe, it was time the humans bowed down to the elves.
The humans succumb.
The elven king was made an emperor, the most powerful in their history. He reached out with his hand, but no movement came. He yelled out for help, but no voice came. His sunken eyes watched, as maggots feasted on his flesh, and flies danced in his celebration. He sang a lullaby of his childhood, with silence his chorus. No one knew when death finally discovered the emperor, who was sealed away to be hidden in his palace of gold.
A fake emperor of his appearance was poised in his seat of power, who was none other than his most trusted advisor.
Last edited by battlestar on December 16th, 2011, 1:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
LUA: Llama Under Apprenticeship
Hell faction: completed
Hell faction: completed
Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
Just a little bit. Very poetic, but a little confusing at first. Maybe saying ' to be buried in his palace of gold' or 'with the silence of death his chorus'.
Guys I never thought I'd come back to this forum after 8 years this is wild
- battlestar
- Posts: 690
- Joined: January 1st, 2007, 7:12 am
Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
I love your phrases. With slight adjustment to emphasize on being sealed away.
The story is supposed to be of an Elven king who was tired of cruelty of wars after uniting the elven tribes, so his advisor sealed him away while taking the king's form to continue warfare against the humans. By the time the elves have become the dominant empire, the actual king had already been sealed away in his own palace, wasting away. Eventually all contact had been severed from the king to the outside world, and he was left to rot and be eaten by maggots. No one even knew that the king had already been dead while serving the fake king who had been the advisor with shape-shifting.
The underlined part is supposed to be hinted in the paragraphs but not explicitly stated.
Something similar had happened to a powerful emperor in the history, done in by eunuchs.
The story is supposed to be of an Elven king who was tired of cruelty of wars after uniting the elven tribes, so his advisor sealed him away while taking the king's form to continue warfare against the humans. By the time the elves have become the dominant empire, the actual king had already been sealed away in his own palace, wasting away. Eventually all contact had been severed from the king to the outside world, and he was left to rot and be eaten by maggots. No one even knew that the king had already been dead while serving the fake king who had been the advisor with shape-shifting.
The underlined part is supposed to be hinted in the paragraphs but not explicitly stated.
Something similar had happened to a powerful emperor in the history, done in by eunuchs.
The elven king was made an emperor, the most powerful in their history. He reached out with his hand, but no movement came. He yelled out for help, but no voice came. His sunken eyes watched, as maggots feasted on his flesh, and flies danced in his celebration. He was to be sealed away in his palace of gold forever, with the silence of oblivion his chorus. No one knew when death finally discovered the emperor.
LUA: Llama Under Apprenticeship
Hell faction: completed
Hell faction: completed
Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
Ok. I thought 'sealed away' meant being buried in a crypt. Hm, being trapped to die in your own palace, too old and weak to live....very disturbing, very thought provoking. I little shocking and cool in its own way.
Guys I never thought I'd come back to this forum after 8 years this is wild
- battlestar
- Posts: 690
- Joined: January 1st, 2007, 7:12 am
Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
That's exactly what I'm going for, it's a demon campaign afterall
There's going to be couple of big surprises that encompasses the half or the entire story that has the potential for a even bigger shock.
Right now it's divided into
Demo: 1 spell system introduction map
Prologue: Fall of towers city, ascend to surface. (5 maps plus 1 random encounter map)
Part 1: finding wizard city, arrival of demons, escape (4 maps)
Part 2: human and orkish conflict (~30 maps to make), and the long journey (10 maps)
Part 3: distant elven kingdom, destruction of human empires.
Part 4: Track the dwarves, discover troglodytes
Part 5: Descend to hell
Part 6: rebellion against heaven
Part 7: demonic civil war
Each part with its main quest map, optional side quest maps, optional random encounter maps, and main maps usually have multiple paths to follow to progress to the next part (that can also vary in number of scenarios).
There's going to be couple of big surprises that encompasses the half or the entire story that has the potential for a even bigger shock.
Right now it's divided into
Demo: 1 spell system introduction map
Prologue: Fall of towers city, ascend to surface. (5 maps plus 1 random encounter map)
Part 1: finding wizard city, arrival of demons, escape (4 maps)
Part 2: human and orkish conflict (~30 maps to make), and the long journey (10 maps)
Part 3: distant elven kingdom, destruction of human empires.
Part 4: Track the dwarves, discover troglodytes
Part 5: Descend to hell
Part 6: rebellion against heaven
Part 7: demonic civil war
Each part with its main quest map, optional side quest maps, optional random encounter maps, and main maps usually have multiple paths to follow to progress to the next part (that can also vary in number of scenarios).
Last edited by battlestar on December 23rd, 2011, 9:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
LUA: Llama Under Apprenticeship
Hell faction: completed
Hell faction: completed
Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
This is Valia doing this?battlestar wrote:Part 5: Descend to hell
Part 6: rebellion against heaven
Part 7: demonic civil war
Guys I never thought I'd come back to this forum after 8 years this is wild
- battlestar
- Posts: 690
- Joined: January 1st, 2007, 7:12 am
Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
By that point, Valia would be accompanied by an old wizard, Skarbod the orc, Eleanor the elven dwarf, Hogan the assassin and Gaunam the knight, plus up to 3 heroes to be found in the side quests.
LUA: Llama Under Apprenticeship
Hell faction: completed
Hell faction: completed
Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
So Valia and her chums are the ones 'rebelling against heaven' and all that?
Guys I never thought I'd come back to this forum after 8 years this is wild
- battlestar
- Posts: 690
- Joined: January 1st, 2007, 7:12 am
Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
I'm still vague on that part of the story, but it's something about angels and demons used to be the same race of magical beings, separated by socioeconomic class. Conflict broke out, the lower classes escaped to another plane of existence while the upper classes continued their lifestyle by leeching off of mortals instead. Demons came back to face their past oppressors again, without much regard to the lives of mortals. Valia and the mortal races simply got wrapped up in all of this.
In short, the chums (elves, humans, dwarves alike) are used by "heaven" as source of resources, and they are being used by "hell" as soldiers in their rebellion against the "heaven".
Details and loose threads need to be refined. If I come up with something better, any of it can change.
And any ideas are welcome.
In short, the chums (elves, humans, dwarves alike) are used by "heaven" as source of resources, and they are being used by "hell" as soldiers in their rebellion against the "heaven".
Details and loose threads need to be refined. If I come up with something better, any of it can change.
And any ideas are welcome.
LUA: Llama Under Apprenticeship
Hell faction: completed
Hell faction: completed
- battlestar
- Posts: 690
- Joined: January 1st, 2007, 7:12 am
Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
Part 1:
The world shivered, and its tremors traveled through the ground, shaking Valia from her slumber. A strange intuition took her to the tunnel exit where she emerged from the underground. There she found the caved-in passage with Skarbod standing over it, explaining that the earthquake had been the cause. Valia walked to the collapsed passage, and there she stood motionless as the froth of moonlight bathed over her pale skin.
The aimless wandering of Valia and Skarbod brought them to a smoldering village. Bodies littered the ground, stained by blood the color of jade. From the corners of their visions, they notice that bandits were closing in from all directions. They had eyes red-shot, and saliva free-flowing, as if their sanity melted away under the burning sun. Weapons showing, the bandits chortled at their prey.
The bandits weren’t much trouble for Valia and Skarbod. However, the dying words of the bandit leader nested in Valia’s memories.
The bandit leader had been a simple merchant. He led a happy life with his wife and children. Upon return from a tiresome trading trip, he found crows feeding on his wife’s eyes and pecking at his children’s guts. He mentioned that his families died at the hands of an evil beyond his comprehension, and that this world will soon perish in the flames of hellfire. He could no longer face his future; it was too much for him. He consumed the decayed bodies of his family, so that they would always be with him. It was not enough to sooth his pain, and he saw the only escape in becoming one with the evil he faced, in order to pass the pain onto others. The arrival of Valia and Skarbod was the answer to his prayers in taking the pain away once and for all so he could finally find eternal rest.
Among the ruins, a young boy peeked out at Valia and Skarbod, and then quickly he shrunk back. As the pair turned to leave the village, he bolted after them. With stuttering voice he asked to follow Valia and Skarbod because they were strong enough to defeat the bandits. The boy had a face that reminded Valia of Glani, and she allowed him to tag along.
Link for where they go in the story: http://forums.wesnoth.org/viewtopic.php ... 45#p513512
-- Suggestions/comments at this point?
-- Any ideas for description of a grand city ruled by magi? My preliminary thought is a huge city over looking a vast plain, with some mountains to the east where protagonists overlook the city upon arrival. The city walls are pale and the buildings inside are made of stones and vibrant colored roofs. Tall towers at the center of the city stand erect over the rest of the city structures, with the tallest central ones piercing through the clouds. Outside the city walls are the slums of refugees, decaying in every way possible, melting into giant puddle of mush surrounding the city. Refugees swarm the city gates, and they would rob any new comers of their belongings.
The world shivered, and its tremors traveled through the ground, shaking Valia from her slumber. A strange intuition took her to the tunnel exit where she emerged from the underground. There she found the caved-in passage with Skarbod standing over it, explaining that the earthquake had been the cause. Valia walked to the collapsed passage, and there she stood motionless as the froth of moonlight bathed over her pale skin.
The aimless wandering of Valia and Skarbod brought them to a smoldering village. Bodies littered the ground, stained by blood the color of jade. From the corners of their visions, they notice that bandits were closing in from all directions. They had eyes red-shot, and saliva free-flowing, as if their sanity melted away under the burning sun. Weapons showing, the bandits chortled at their prey.
The bandits weren’t much trouble for Valia and Skarbod. However, the dying words of the bandit leader nested in Valia’s memories.
The bandit leader had been a simple merchant. He led a happy life with his wife and children. Upon return from a tiresome trading trip, he found crows feeding on his wife’s eyes and pecking at his children’s guts. He mentioned that his families died at the hands of an evil beyond his comprehension, and that this world will soon perish in the flames of hellfire. He could no longer face his future; it was too much for him. He consumed the decayed bodies of his family, so that they would always be with him. It was not enough to sooth his pain, and he saw the only escape in becoming one with the evil he faced, in order to pass the pain onto others. The arrival of Valia and Skarbod was the answer to his prayers in taking the pain away once and for all so he could finally find eternal rest.
Among the ruins, a young boy peeked out at Valia and Skarbod, and then quickly he shrunk back. As the pair turned to leave the village, he bolted after them. With stuttering voice he asked to follow Valia and Skarbod because they were strong enough to defeat the bandits. The boy had a face that reminded Valia of Glani, and she allowed him to tag along.
Link for where they go in the story: http://forums.wesnoth.org/viewtopic.php ... 45#p513512
-- Suggestions/comments at this point?
-- Any ideas for description of a grand city ruled by magi? My preliminary thought is a huge city over looking a vast plain, with some mountains to the east where protagonists overlook the city upon arrival. The city walls are pale and the buildings inside are made of stones and vibrant colored roofs. Tall towers at the center of the city stand erect over the rest of the city structures, with the tallest central ones piercing through the clouds. Outside the city walls are the slums of refugees, decaying in every way possible, melting into giant puddle of mush surrounding the city. Refugees swarm the city gates, and they would rob any new comers of their belongings.
LUA: Llama Under Apprenticeship
Hell faction: completed
Hell faction: completed
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]
For me it is not about a matter of how much text but a matter of pacing the wads of exposition. I prefer 2-3 medium/short-lengthed interlude levels to sticking in one large interlude.averyimaginativename wrote:I think maybe I wasn't very clear originally, I'll try to be more verbose...
What I was trying to get at was that a compromise, well, compromises things.As for having a heavy reading, I do plan on having the player the option of reading short or long version of the stories. In addition, I don't plan to have the textual story being the high-light of this campaign. Heaviest readings will be in the pre-scn story panels which the players can skip altogether, if they wish.
On the one hand the story as you have it is good enough that it could be the highlight of the campaign. Having it somewhat secondary to the gameplay is almost an injustice to the work. On the other hand, in add-on feedback, people start to complain about "walls of text" after ~3 paragraphs, and after ~5 those complaints start getting common, which limits what you can do with the story within a campaign.
Maybe your long version/short version options will be sufficient. Personally, I like heavy text in games (in terms of both content and amount), but I'm also aware I'm in a minority.
My case and point: Under The Burning Suns of which's 4th to last mission (and by "mission" I include all-talky levels) which is spent talking to that Merman Woman, I felt was too long. In its defence, a lot of the exposition there couldn't of been dealt for plot related reasons (e.g Geography and the lack of characters who would have such knowledge to exposit). In its offence, I reckon that about a quarter of the dialogue on the sandy island could have been moved to either the opening of the following level or immediately after the slaying of the Saurian leader.
Tip for making your story 'less "hammy"': Make sure every thing is kosherIf you think the story could be made less "hammy", please make more specific suggestions, they will be welcomed.