Trouble Finding Orcish Incursion

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Query
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Trouble Finding Orcish Incursion

Post by Query »

Hey, I'm looking for the discussion thread for Orcish Incursion, to report some dialog problems. Does it exist? If so, where can I find it?

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zookeeper
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Re: Trouble Finding Orcish Incursion

Post by zookeeper »

Actually, I think it doesn't have its own thread. So you can just report any problems in this one.

I'm pretty sure the maintainer knows that there are currently errors in the dialogue though, and that they just haven't been sorted out quite yet.

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Query
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Re: Trouble Finding Orcish Incursion

Post by Query »

All right, thank you. I've forgotten where the ones I first found are, but I'll report any new ones here.

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Query
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Re: Trouble Finding Orcish Incursion

Post by Query »

Okay, a few mistakes:

Defend the Forest

"My lord! A party of aliens set a camp to the north and lays waste to the forest. Scouts..."

First of all, aliens is used awkwardly here. I suggest a different word. Second, for the tenses to make more sense, it should be "a party of aliens has set a camp to the north and is laying waste to the forest."

"...we must remove this blight from our forests.Go to the capital..."

There needs to be a space in between the period after "forests" and the word "Go".

Assassins

"Soon they arrived at the region where forest was cut through by many streams only to find something unexpected".

A couple errors here. Should be: They soon arrived at a region where forest was cut through by many streams, only to find something unexpected.

Valley of Trolls

"...most of the elves slept uneasily with few unlucky keeping cautious watch."

The wording here is once again awkward, and the word "cautious" has already been used many times in the campaign. I suggest: "most of the elves slept uneasily, with a few unlucky ones keeping wary watch."

"When sunrise came battle formations were assembled, whatever waited in the slopes ahead, it would not find them unprepared."

Properly punctuated, this should be: "When sunrise came, battle formations were assembled; whatever waited in the slopes ahead, it would not find them unprepared."

Linaera and the Quick

After a day of hard earned rest the elves were on the move again, but now they traveled mostly during the night choosing their way carefully and sending out a lot of scouts. This, after all what happened, was no longer friendly territory and it couldn't be called known anymore. It had been long time since someone from Wesmere visited these parts.

Lots of errors here. Here is a corrected version:

After a day of hard earned rest, the elves began to move again, but now they traveled mostly during the night, choosing their way carefully and sending out many scouts. This, after all, was unfriendly and unfamiliar territory. It had been long time since someone from Wesmere had visited these parts.

"They didn't have to wait long for developments though."

Needs a comma between "developments" and "though".

"About about time that, Erlornas was increasingly weary from lack of sleep."

I suggest: "By this time, Erlornas was increasingly weary from lack of sleep."

"It's of human design and surrounded by a deep chasm, we noticed no bridge..

The comma here should be a semicolon.

---------------------------------------

That's all for now.

Edit: Removed direction capitalization "fixes" and a few other things.
Last edited by Query on August 31st, 2008, 1:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Rex Umbrarum
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Re: Trouble Finding Orcish Incursion

Post by Rex Umbrarum »

"...most of the elves slept uneasily with few unlucky keeping cautious watch."

There needs to be a comma between "uneasily" and "with".
I'm pretty sure with a independent clause followed by a subordinate clause, you don't need a comma. For example "I jumped with my friend running." is properly punctuated IIR(english class)C. The sentence is awkward, but I think that could be fixed by adding "a" before few.

Also, there isn't a particular reason "north" should be capitalized IMO unless it's referring to a specific region generally called "the North."

I do agree with correcting all the run-on sentences and un-spaced periods though. (Not sure about the comma before though.
vivantlingvaemortvae

Jozrael
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Re: Trouble Finding Orcish Incursion

Post by Jozrael »

Couple things.

It's great to have another spag checker on board, but Mist is currently tied up doing UtBS. I've already revised the text of AOI twice and some of my edits weren't put through. Once he's got a spare moment I planned on going through it again, but keep in mind that he's HEAVILY revamping this campaign. As in totally redoing some scenarios, etc. So a lot of the dialogue will be changing.

There's also a couple of errors I believe you had in your errorchecking. I could be wrong, and some may be based on taste. I also didn't finish reading all of your post because of the first paragraph here.

Directions should not be capitalized unless part of a proper noun (North America, the West Wing, etc.) If you're heading north, it's not capitalized.

The part about the region is deliberate. He wants Erlornas to be familiar with this area, so that it is -really- odd that there's a full-blown keep there. Kinda like 'wtf, where'd this come from'. So we're talking about a specific, known region where the streams are criss-crossing and w.e.

Also, I love you for proper use of the semicolon. Mist has put in a couple of them but he never finished my edits (I adore the semicolon, most underutilized punctuation mark everrrr). Its ok though, he's busy.

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Query
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Re: Trouble Finding Orcish Incursion

Post by Query »

I just looked it up, and you are all right on the direction issue, so that's no longer a problem. A couple things:
Rex Umbrarum wrote:
"...most of the elves slept uneasily with few unlucky keeping cautious watch."

There needs to be a comma between "uneasily" and "with".
I'm pretty sure with a independent clause followed by a subordinate clause, you don't need a comma. For example "I jumped with my friend running." is properly punctuated IIR(english class)C. The sentence is awkward, but I think that could be fixed by adding "a" before few.
If you think the comma is unnecessary, that's fine. I did suggest a way to fix the sentence, which was: ""most of the elves slept uneasily, with a few unlucky ones keeping wary watch."
Jozrael wrote:The part about the region is deliberate. He wants Erlornas to be familiar with this area, so that it is -really- odd that there's a full-blown keep there. Kinda like 'wtf, where'd this come from'. So we're talking about a specific, known region where the streams are criss-crossing and w.e.
I see where you're coming from. Here's the new proposed fix, which retains the meaning you're talking about:

"After a day of hard earned rest, the elves began to move again, but now they traveled mostly during the night, choosing their way carefully and sending out many scouts. This, after all that happened, was no longer friendly territory and it couldn't be called known anymore. It had been long time since someone from Wesmere had visited these parts."

Finally, is there a way I can access the dialog without playing through the campaign. Is it stored in some text file somewhere?

Jozrael
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Re: Trouble Finding Orcish Incursion

Post by Jozrael »

Yes. Here is the path on windows (what I use):

(w.e ur wesnoth folder is)/data/campaigns/An Orcish Incursion/scenarios/

Each scenario is there. If you want to find text displayed to the user, just search for this string " _ " (what's in the quotes: space underscore space). All translatable text (read: story and names and such) has this before it to ease a translator's job.

Since I recently learned a bit about WML I was thinking about going over these scenarios on my own and then just submitting them to Mist for approval. I'll post em up here and u can tell me if I've missed any edits if you wish =o. I'll do this concurrently with my challenge campaign I'm working on for dave or w.e is managing the challenge campaigns.

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Query
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Re: Trouble Finding Orcish Incursion

Post by Query »

Maybe we should make a copy-editors thread. People could even submit their stuff to be proofread.

Jozrael
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Re: Trouble Finding Orcish Incursion

Post by Jozrael »

I'll post this either tonight or tomorrow morning. (I'll be working on it tonight but might finish too late to post).

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