Let's Rewrite Descriptions!

[Gyra_Solune]

It's mentioned in the Direwolf Rider desc that they're about horse-ish sized - perhaps I misinterpreted though? And hm, I always thought scorpions lived solely in deserts. I'll take a look at that I suppose.

Yeah I'll probably root through some awkward wording and make it a bit more focused. Sometimes your prepositions escape you! ^^;

[pyndragon]

Wolf

Spoiler:

Wolves are predatory canines that are encountered frequently in the wilderness. Quick, tough, and able to survive almost anywhere, a wolf alone is enough to maim or kill civilians and untrained soldiers with ease. Their tendency to travel in packs and attack in an organized manner is what makes them particularly fearsome to many travelers. They tend to stay away from civilization, though, only venturing close to feed on livestock occasionally.

How about:
Wolves are predatory canines encountered frequently in the wilderness. Quick, tough, and durable, a solitary wolf suffices to maim or kill civilians and untrained soldiers with ease, but it is their tendency to travel in packs and attack in an organized manner that makes them particularly fearsome to travelers. They tend to stay away from civilization, though, only occasionally venturing close to prey upon livestock.

Gyra_solune: First of all, given that the dire wolf is based on a real (extinct) animal rather than myths, I'm not sure that "tall as a horse" is accurate. It's possible that this has in fact been established in some campaign somewhere, but the real dire wolf was not that large, only a little larger than the still-extant grey wolf, and I think probably not larger than the larger breeds of dogs such as Great Dane. Also, since they are a separate species, I think they would normally run in packs composed solely of dire wolves, rather than leading packs of lesser wolves. Though the existence of the optional advancement path does kind of suggest otherwise to some extent...

‘Dire wolves’ differ from the common variety only in size and color. They typically stand taller than a horse at the shoulder, and have an appetite to match.

This is not to say that we can't change the Direwolf Rider's description as well, but Gyra_solune's write-up is consistent with current canon.

EDIT: Ninja'd.

[Caladbolg]

Celtic_Minstrel: Yeah, that 2nd "whether" sounds jarring in hindsight. Anyways, thanks for teaching me something new
Gyra_solune: So, that one sentence should be: "Some wolves are much bigger and stronger than those typically found in the wilds - it's unknown whether they just reach this size naturally or if they are a different breed altogether."

[Celtic_Minstrel]

It's mentioned in the Direwolf Rider desc that they're about horse-ish sized - perhaps I misinterpreted though? And hm, I always thought scorpions lived solely in deserts. I'll take a look at that I suppose.

I'm pretty sure the Amazon jungle has a lot of scorpions.

As for the dire wolves, you could be right, but I think if they're horse-ish size they'd at least be on the small side of horse-ish size. Like ponies, for example. (Goblins are also smaller than humans or elves if I understand correctly, so it makes sense that their mounts would also be smaller than human or elf mounts.) That said, I'm not sure either. What I pointed out is regarding the historical dire wolf, which may not be the model used for the Wesnoth dire wolf.

[zookeeper]

I've started adding these to a pull request for a bit easier reviewing. I'll add more and then merge them after any revisions that might be warranted.

[Flameslash]

Is there a list of descriptions that need doing? I'd like to have a crack at a few of them.

[Celtic_Minstrel]

I don't think there's a specific list anywhere. Just browse through the data files and look for ones that are lacking detail.

[zookeeper]

A simple one could be TRoW's Wose Sapling. It just copies the lvl1 Wose's description currently.

[Gyra_Solune]

I'm much less occupied now than I've been during the summer so I can get back to some of these - I'll see about getting the campaign ones through with tomorrow and any other cleanup needed.

E: And I think on another note I'm going to greatly expand the Saurian race desc to match the really nice one of the Woses and Trolls, and then further expand the Merfolk and Naga descs to that level as well. Nagas will likely be the shortest since they're not really fleshed out much in any major campaigns but the thread that exploded here about a bigger and more comprehensive detailing about the Saurians suggests I ought to put a little more effort in, and the Merfolk have a good amount of canon fleshing out in Dead Water so they ought to be described more with their societal structure (which I gathered to be 'scattered kingdoms united in culture and occasional politics but generally independent and fully capable of coming into conflict with each other', inferred from Rebels and Loyalists having two different units from them). Falcons and Wolves, being literal wild animals, are likely good to stay as they are - didn't we have one in the works for Gryphons as well?

[Flameslash]

'scattered kingdoms united in culture and occasional politics but generally independent and fully capable of coming into conflict with each other'

That seems to fit well; the Mermen units are based around Classical Greece to an extent, and that is the political/cultural structure of the Classical Greeks too.

[Eagle_11]

whilst there is only one naga unit used in mp, remember there is also guardian and hunters used in a campaign when doing the naga. An UMC-campaign 'Return of the Monster' has an full unit roster for the Naga's which could also be an inspiration for writing interesting lore.

[Gyra_Solune]

'scattered kingdoms united in culture and occasional politics but generally independent and fully capable of coming into conflict with each other'

That seems to fit well; the Mermen units are based around Classical Greece to an extent, and that is the political/cultural structure of the Classical Greeks too.

I definitely picked up on that influence! And I must say I do quite like it, I highly commend whoever it is that designed the mermen.

As for nagas, we'll see. Again I will refrain from necessarily 'accommodating' UMC in these descs because this is all text that's going to be in the base game and as such it all must be official and approved, so significant liberties all need to be checked out by basically everyone who commits things to the game. I do very much like nagas and so it'd be wonderful if I could further define their society and set something up in canon but I don't know what they already do, IIRC they're almost always just random mercenary raiders or so.

It WOULD perhaps be helpful if there was an official storyline director of staff and should I more thoroughly play through the existing campaigns, perhaps I could talk about becoming such a thing! But never that mind BECAUSE this is where I am starting to put up those campaign unit descs which I am nowhere near finished with! This will be expanded in short order I promise, it's just going slower than expected!

I am going to make perhaps an odd proposal as well - a handful of name changes to make them more descriptive since some have unhelpful and vague names, most evident for the hero lines. Need not go with them, they’re just off the wall proposals.

Dead Water

Child King (rename: Merman Heir)

Spoiler:

Original: When a merman king dies, the next in line becomes king however young he is. It is his job to lead his troops in combat if necessary. Good soldiers will do as they are told, but a very young king will get little real respect.

Revised: When a merman king dies, the next in line becomes sovereign, no matter their age. As is custom, the king must lead troops into battle and fight alongside them, proving resolve and loyalty to the realm. While even the youngest kings know the basics of combat, they are not respected or experienced enough to rally their soldiers in the heat of battle.

Young King (Rename: Merman Prince)

Spoiler:

Original: A young king with some battle experience will be treated with some respect. Common citizens will be inspired to do their utmost when the king is nearby, but battle-hardened veterans will be less impressed.

Revised: Once of age, the heirs of merfolk kingdoms begin governing in full and must handle the affairs of the kingdom, both diplomatically and militarily. When the peace is threatened and everyone capable must take up arms, even the most fearful citizens will be inspired by their ruler fighting alongside them.

Soldier King (Rename: Merman Ruler)

Spoiler:

Original: A king who is skilled at combat commands great respect — especially among soldiers. His strength allows him to wield powerful weapons and move quickly, even with heavy armor. His leadership abilities inspire his troops.

Revised: The annals of merfolk history are defined by kings taking to the front lines and defending the realm with their own might. With scepters forged into deadly war maces, these rulers are both revered governors and capable marshals, their academic knowledge enhanced by experience afield.

Warrior King (Rename: Merman Monarch)

Spoiler:

Original: Warrior kings often become legendary in their own time. Their skill and strength allows them to be truly formidable in battle. They are also fast despite their heavy armor. Even skilled soldiers look upon them with awe.

Revised: When faced with a time of true peril to their kingdom, some merfolk kings prevail against all odds and are immortalized as heroes to their people. Leading a host of dutiful warriors and mages, these legendary figures are fearsome in their own right, with blistering speed even in full plate, and a mastery with their war-mace scepters.

Merman Citizen

Spoiler:

Original: Mermen are mostly peaceful, but will fight to defend their homes. In this situation, even mermen with no weapons or training can be dangerous.

Revised: While the merfolk kingdoms are not usually warlike, their citizens nonetheless are all trained in the basics of combat should their city come under attack. As metal weaponry is scarce due to the inability to forge underwater, every merman is taught how to fight with their bare fists, to surprising effect.

Merman Brawler

Spoiler:

Original: Exceptionally large and strong mermen are sometimes more comfortable with their own fists and tails than with other weapons.

Revised: Some schools of merfolk combat are dedicated to perfecting unarmed combat over the use of spear and trident. These practitioners make greater use of their body’s capabilities, favoring a technique using their tails to stagger and dizzy opponents, before finishing them off with a flurry of devastating punches.

Kraken

Spoiler:

Original: Krakens are gigantic creatures of the seas. They can grab their opponents with strong tentacles, or spit a poisonous black ink from a distance. The best way to survive an encounter with these monsters is to remain ashore. (exactly the same as Cuttle Fish)

Revised: Krakens are among the most ruthless and fearsome of sea monsters. Sailors who discount tales of their tentacles dragging ships whole under the waves soon regret their lack of caution, while merfolk armies and naga raiders dread their poisonous clouds of ink. However, they are not completely hostile by nature, and on rare occasions they can be tamed, a valuable asset for whoever can manage this feat.

Delfador's Memoirs

Journeyman Mage

Spoiler:

Original: A mage who has just finished his apprenticeship is known as a journeyman. Journeyman mages travel far in search of employment and experience.

Revised: A mage who has finished their apprenticeship follows one of two paths: they enter the personal service of a noble house, or they wander the land, bringing their knowledge to any who seek it along the roads. Those that pick the latter are known as journeymen - while their magic is much the same as any other mage of their rank, their travels give them the endurance to walk much farther in a day.

Mage Leader

Spoiler:

Original: This mage has gained some experience leading others into battle. As a result, level 1 units fight more effectively when they are adjacent to him.

Revised: While most mages are most dedicated to their studies and as such prefer scholarly or clerical livelihoods, some choose to instead become war mages, studying military tactics and the utility of magic on the battlefield while formally serving as marshals. Most often these were once journeymen, as they are used to the long marches away from civilization that would be expected of any soldier.

Mage Commander

Spoiler:

Original: This mage has gained much experience leading others into battle. As a result, level 1 and 2 units fight more effectively when they are adjacent to him. He also has the power to heal others during combat.

Revised: War mages who serve for many years and many campaigns become adept combat strategists, and are often found in positions where most would expect an academically trained enlisted officer. These spellcasting generals know well the importance of their role as the rallying point of an advance, and in many cases see more active combat than the typical noble marshal. Thus, they take it upon themselves not just to learn spells of great offensive power, but the healing arts of White Mages as well.

Mage Magister

Spoiler:

Original: A Mage Magister, though equivalent in degree to a Great Mage, has special abilities of command and healing derived from extensive experience of battle.

Revised: Some of the most revered commanders throughout history are mages of great power and wisdom. Bestowed upon them the ancient title of Magister, these spellcasters are brilliant leaders, devastating spellcasters, and learned healers, and are never found far from institutions of great power. The only ones who can claim to possess more prestige and authority than a Magister are the ancient, secluded councils who bestow this title.

Wose Shaman

Spoiler:

Original: These woses are able to command forest plants such as vines and creepers to hinder their enemies.

Revised: Though fae magic is entwined heavily with the woses, many do not display the more well-known emblems of their nature. Only a few, who make their home in mystic groves of timeless power, possess the strain of sorcery that manifests itself beyond their life force. These shamans, as they are known, can bring their forests to life around them, defending themselves by entangling foes in vines and roots. This very outward use of their energy causes them to be more frail than other woses, however.

[Caladbolg]

Those are definitely improvements and I like the name changes as well

[Celtic_Minstrel]

The descriptions seem okay, but I'm not sure about the name changes.

[Flameslash]

The old names are very simple, whereas the new ones are more exotic and interesting.