A poem about elves

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Boldek
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A poem about elves

Post by Boldek » March 25th, 2013, 3:31 pm

Hello everyone!

A few weeks ago, I was inspired by the poem 'The Breaking of the Pact' to write a poem about the elves. At first, I wrote the hero down as Kalenz, but then after examining the timeline, I realized that Kalenz appeared after Haldric the First had died. So, I just changed the hero's name to Belian, the hero from "The Breaking of the Pact".
Spoiler:
What do you think folks?
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alluton
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Re: A poem about elves

Post by alluton » March 25th, 2013, 7:01 pm

Very nice. "The beacons are burning, our riders have called," Reminds me of LoTR abit.
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Piko555
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Re: A poem about elves

Post by Piko555 » March 25th, 2013, 7:14 pm

Wow. You're good, folk.

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Boldek
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Re: A poem about elves

Post by Boldek » March 26th, 2013, 12:25 am

Piko555 wrote: Wow. You're good, folk.
Thanks!
alluton wrote: Very nice. "The beacons are burning, our riders have called," Reminds me of LoTR abit.
Yeah, at first I was a little unsure about adding that line in, since I'm not sure if elves would burn beacons, since they love trees and stuff, but I thought it sounded cool and sorta remniscent of LoTR, so I kept it in. :)
Guys I never thought I'd come back to this forum after 8 years this is wild

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Elfarion
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Re: A poem about elves

Post by Elfarion » March 26th, 2013, 1:54 pm

Amazing work! It reminds me of the poems in LotR. I can perfectly picture a tavern full of people who demand to hear the tale of Haldric's betrayal from a bard.

Just a little note: To me the last line seems a bit long. It kind of breaks the rhythm.
"Each of mankind's steps towards tomorrow is a breaking of today's laws."
- Sergej Lukianenko

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Boldek
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Re: A poem about elves

Post by Boldek » March 27th, 2013, 1:15 am

Yeah, that last bit does stretch the meter a bit. How about this:

"Oh Haldric, your treaties proved fragile as glass,
Your words soon forgotten like wind on the grass,
Therefore no elf bows will sing at your wars,
Nor swords will we send, when siege comes to your doors."

That version cuts away one syllable, but I'm not sure... Does it sound better? Catchier?
Guys I never thought I'd come back to this forum after 8 years this is wild

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Elfarion
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Re: A poem about elves

Post by Elfarion » March 27th, 2013, 9:33 am

To me it does sound better.
"Each of mankind's steps towards tomorrow is a breaking of today's laws."
- Sergej Lukianenko

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revansurik
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Re: A poem about elves

Post by revansurik » March 28th, 2013, 12:41 am

Really nice poem, congrats! ^_^
Author of the Dragon Trilogy.

If you enjoyed A Song of Fire, War of the Jewel, Aria of the Dragon-Slayer and Soldier of Wesnoth, you may like my new project: Star of Chaos, a science-fiction mystery/adventure intended to be a trilogy
;-)

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