Scarlet Sea [campaign storyline]

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Konrad2
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by Konrad2 » July 13th, 2011, 3:53 pm

he doesnt mean the assasin but valia
why is the assasin helping the most feared person in the land ( valia) ?

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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by battlestar » July 13th, 2011, 8:40 pm

He doesn't know what Valia looks like, plus middle of the night in a panic she looked like just a little girl.
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by battlestar » November 15th, 2011, 2:13 am

Revision of Crimson Sea from the start:
Prologue:
Pre-scn1
In the city of towers, there is one tower that stands above all others, one grand spire dwarfing the rest.

In that tower, a young, spirited girl named Valia once lived as the ward of her grandfather, Nizbaf. He doted on the girl, did all he could for her, and taught her as best he could the mysterious arts of magic. Washed clean of all memories, she had reverted to a state of child-like innocence, finding endless delight in life itself and in the company of those she loved and who loved her.

In the city of towers, day need not end with the setting of the sun. As everywhere, life adores the night no less than the day - and youth, of course, is never still save in sleep. Rare was the night when Valia confined herself to her own home for, like every young man and woman who has ever lived, she preferred to embrace her youth while it yet lingered. To that end, she spent her nights in the company of her friends - much to the despair of the neighbours who, most often, bore the brunt of their mischief.

Valia had few true friends - but those few, she would live and die for, for she loved them with all her heart and soul. There was Skarbod - an orc, though his handsome, almost-human features disguised his origin somewhat. But as beautiful as he was, he wore always a mask of misery. Much to Valia's frustration, he would never share the reason for his gloomy demeanor.

Then there was Lila, a young girl of Dwarven blood, who carried the Sun's own radiance in her youthful smile. And, last but by no means least, Glani. Glani, whose mere presence set Valia's heart pounding, whose merest glance could lift her spirit to the clouds above - and who remained entirely oblivious to her adoration, wrapped up as he was in the joyous havoc he wrought with his endless pranks.

On a day that seemed like any other, Valia awoke slowly from her slumber. She was in no hurry to rise, but simply lay for a while, enjoying
the warmth and comfort of her soft sheets, the morning sun's gentle kiss upon her skin, and the serene stillness of her home. It took her a long moment to realize that something was wrong. Serene? Where were the explosions, the riotous chaos of Nizbaf's sorcerous experiments? Idly, she wondered if he had finally abandoned his wonderfully mad inventions.

Slowly, she dressed and went in search of her grandfather. But she found only a letter, her name upon it, tucked half-under the still-warm breakfast he must have prepared for her. Reading as she ate, Valia now understood the silence. The note was from Nizbaf. Once more, it said, he had reason to undertake a long journey, which the note suggested must be rather more important than his usual scholarly field-trips.

Valia shrugged. She was used to her grandfather's occasional absence, and she still had her friends to stave off loneliness and boredom. She smiled, without knowing that she did so - how could she ever be bored, in Glani's company? There was plenty to occupy her, and Nizbaf would return when he was ready, as he always did.

A year later, though, Valia began to worry...
pre-scn 2
Valia and her friends threw themselves into their training, readying themselves to meet the undead menace head-on.

With the passing of years, the undead grew ever more aggressive. Valia and Skarbod devoted their hours to the mastery of arcane sciences. Glani spent his days training with a bow, until it was almost an extension of his own arm. And Lily discovered a natural affinity for the healers' art. At last, they judged themselves ready, and went forth to meet the undead in battle.

It was such an excursion which brought them one day to an unfamiliar cavern. The cave clearly held secrets, shrouded in near-impenetrable shadow, for the unmistakable sounds of battle echoed in the damp, foul-smelling air. Hesitating for barely a moment, Glani and Skarbod readied themselves and strode fearlessly into the darkness. Mere moments later Valia followed behind, potent spells held ready, Lily close behind and clutching nervously at her skirt.
pre-scn 3
They came, it seemed, out of nowhere.

From the caverns and the deepest forests, from all the secret places where light shines not - out of their very graves they crawled, with murder in their unbeating hearts. Almost without warning, a vast horde of the wicked dead gathered around the outpost, their unhallowed presence so blighting the land that, it seemed, even the very Earth cried out in horror. But yet they held back, allowing their fearsome nature to work its dark spell upon the garrison.

Death was coming, and all knew it. Many defenders, their minds cracking under pressure, seemed almost oblivious to the siege and even to life itself. For these weak souls, it seemed that the battle was already lost.

Others, though, rose to the challenge, determined to greet Death with sword in hand. Undaunted by the stench of decay and the almost-physical aura of menace, these heroic few gazed out from the walls, alert to the slightest hint of movement in the woods where the enemy had gathered. For long hours, nothing stirred - even the wind had fled, it seemed, and the stench of death hung heavy in the stagnant air.

Then they came. A lone sentry spotted a plume of dust rising from the forest - but before he could sound the alarm, his comrades saw the enemy for themselves. As one, the rotted legion emerged from the forest, marching in machine-like unison. They crossed the distance to the fortress without a sound, their silence more chilling than any war-cry, and halted a stone's throw from the base of the wall.

Suddenly, a pillar of blue fire shot skyward from the city nearby, its azure light throwing the scene into sharp relief. The massed undead hissed as one, their countless feet taking a single step back in perfect unison. Otherwise, they made no move - but yet seemed somehow diminished, somehow less imposing than before. Every defender murmured thanks to whatever unknown sorcerer had conjured the mysterious light - but the respite was brief. Even as the afterglow faded, the enemy strode forward, pressing themselves against the base of the wall. For a moment the outpost's defenders breathed a sigh of relief - until their implacable foes began to climb upon the backs of those in front of them.

In mere moments, the first wave had scaled the wall, using their fellows like a ladder. Without missing a beat, they advanced upon the astonished garrison, a second wave already visible upon the battlements behind them. Gritting their teeth and steeling themselves for battles, the valiant defenders surged forward to meet them. At last, battle was joined...
pre-scn 4
Without a sound, the undead strode into the now-defenseless city, picking their way through the rubble with jerky, insect-like motions. Aghast, the surviving inhabitants didn't even bother to hide, instead lining the streets to greet the victorious invaders with a fatalistic acceptance of what must surely follow. One single man resisted, stepping into the street in front of the macabre procession with axe held ready. But as he raised the weapon to strike at the apparent leader of the invaders, a bony hand flashed out with surprising dexterity, twisting the axe from the man's grasp and casting it aside. The assembled citizens steeled themselves, unwilling to watch the lone hero being butchered, but unable to look away.

What happened next took everybody by surprise. The undead commander, a terrifying figure standing easily seven feet tall and clad in ornate - albeit corroded - black plate amour, reached out and lifted the defiant citizen off his feet, taking obvious care not to hurt him, and simply set him down by the side of the road. In spite of the creature's horrific appearance and awkward, inhuman movements, it handled the man as gently as a mother with a new-born infant. The man opened his mouth, but then paused, seemingly unsure whether to thank the monstrous invader or berate it for its intrusion. But before words could come to him, the undead leader silenced him with a single, skeletal finger upon his lips.

Abruptly, the invaders turned away from the man, to continue their silent, perfectly-ordered march toward the city's main square. It took only a few minutes to reach their destination - an ancient golden monument topped with a roughly-hewn crystal, almost six feet across and as blue as the summer sky. Without missing a beat, the undead encircled the great jewel, pressing close around it and stretching upward to reach its' glittering surface. At first, it seemed that the decaying warriors were clawing at the vast crystal, but the townsfolk soon realized that the truth was far stranger. One by one, each long-dead soldier laid a single bony fingertip upon the glowing gem, pressing tightly together to allow more of their number to participate in the bizarre ritual.

A chill settled in the hearts of the onlookers, who did not understand what was happening but instinctively knew that something was very, very wrong. The undead seemed hypnotized, oblivious to everything but the massive jewel. Slowly, their eyes began to glow as bright and blue as the crystal - while the stone itself, imperceptibly at first, began to fade to the dead grey of ashes. Only then did the hulking undead commander make a move toward the crystal, his soldiers stepping aside to clear his path. Slowly, it seemed almost reverently, he placed one finger upon the jewel - and grey faded instantly to black. A moment later, seemingly without effort he raised an axe almost as big as a man, and swung it single-handed. The rust-pitted blade shattered the crystal like glass, the fragments turning to dust before they reached the ground.

For an instant, all was still and silent. Then the air was rent by a chorus of heart-wrenching screams, as one by one the citizens watched their flesh wither. In moments, it was over; the curse taking hold in less time than it takes to tell. Every single person in the city, excepting only Skarbod, had instantly joined the ranks of the undead. With perfect coordination, they turned their now-dead eyes on Valia and Skarbod. Surrounded by the dead, Valia stared in horror at Lily and Glani - who met her gaze with lifeless, empty eyes. A wave of pain wracked her body, and she screamed, but no sound came.

Skarbod grabbed her arm roughly, shaking her from her shocked reverie, and dragged her with his as he forced a path through the sea of no-longer-citizens, their flesh already beginning to decay. The undead watched their every step, but offered no resistance as the pair made their way out of the murdered city. When they came to a river, Valia could not resist the urge to look, though instinctively she knew what she would see. Sure enough, her reflection gazed back coldly, feral-yellow eyes gleaming dully against the pale skin of a cadaver.

Though her heart was still and her soul corrupted, from somewhere came understanding. The undead invaders had done this - their leader, by the act of shattering the crystal, had quite deliberately condemned Valia and everybody she knew to the repulsive half-existence of the unquiet dead. And alongside this insight arose an iron resolution, a will strong enough to defy Death itself - however great the struggle, whatever it might cost her, she would find a way to break the curse and restore life to those she loved.

Nizbaf. Nizbaf would know the answer. Valia knew well the extent of her grandfather's wisdom and power - if there was anybody who might undo what had passed this day, it would be him. But first, she had to find him...

For hours she argued this point with Skarbod, who was set against the plan but stubbornly refused to explain why. At the last, Valia left him, summoning the strength of the dead and the will of a hero to physically break free of his desperate grasp. If he would not help her, it was his choice to make - but Valia would not allow him to hold her back. For days she travelled, alone but for her own dark thoughts...
end of prologue
The sky was in her reach. She sent her fingers ahead, and her arm pierced the sky. She kept reaching forward, but they were stopped by something cold and solid hidden behind the film of blue luminescence. Her breaths grew deeper, and with magic she lashed out at what’s in front of her. The flimsy film of blue luminescence dissipated. A wall of molded rock was revealing itself endlessly in every direction. She has reached the end of the world.

Chapter 1
Part 0
Valia doubled back, finding Skarbod waiting for her return at the river where they separated. Valia greeted Skarbod with a burst of magic, imbued with anger and confusion, and threw him into a nearby mud puddle. Wiping away the mud from his face, Skarbod saw a glare through Valia’s amber irises that would give him nightmares. He admitted that he has already expected the result of her journey, and he explains that the sky that they have been living under was nothing but walls of an underground cavern enchanted with the color of the sky. Valia had suspected that Skarbod knew, but she was still shocked that her long-time friend had kept such a secret from her. She turned away and intended to leave. However, there was no where to go. It would be meaningless no matter where she traveled, in this fake world.

Skarbod approached Valia, and promised to take her to the surface.

Valia followed Skarbod into a dark tunnel. With lit torches, they followed the confining path, damp and tortuous. There were no words between the two, only the sound of their footsteps echoed through the tunnels.

Light, the exit was just ahead. Skarbod broke the silence, “Your grandfather brought you there to keep you from the evils of this world.” Replying nothing, Valia emerged to see the real sky for the first time. Birds chirped delightfully and played hide and seek among the leaves. The two set camp for the night, unsure which direction to take.

Part 1
The world shivered, and its tremors traveled through the ground, shaking Valia from her slumber. A strange intuition took her to the tunnel exit where she emerged from the underground. There she found the caved-in passage with Skarbod standing over it, explaining that the earthquake had been the cause. Valia walked to the collapsed passage, and there she stood motionless as the froth of moonlight bathed over her pale skin.

The aimless wandering of Valia and Skarbod brought them to a smoldering village. Bodies littered the ground, stained by blood the color of jade. From the corners of their visions, they notice that bandits were closing in from all directions. They had eyes red-shot, and saliva free-flowing, as if their sanity melted away under the burning sun. Weapons showing, the bandits chortled at their prey.

The bandits weren’t much trouble for Valia and Skarbod. However, the dying words of the bandit leader nested in Valia’s memories.

The bandit leader had been a simple merchant. He led a happy life with his wife and children. Upon return from a tiresome trading trip, he found crows feeding on his wife’s eyes and pecking at his children’s guts. He mentioned that his families died at the hands of an evil beyond his comprehension, and that this world will soon perish in the flames of hellfire. He could no longer face his future; it was too much for him. He consumed the decayed bodies of his family, so that they would always be with him. It was not enough to sooth his pain, and he saw the only escape in becoming one with the evil he faced, in order to pass the pain onto others. The arrival of Valia and Skarbod was the answer to his prayers in taking the pain away once and for all so he could finally find eternal rest.

Among the ruins, a young boy peeked out at Valia and Skarbod, and then quickly he shrunk back. As the pair turned to leave the village, he bolted after them. With stuttering voice he asked to follow Valia and Skarbod because they were strong enough to defeat the bandits. The boy had a face that reminded Valia of Glani, and she allowed him to tag along.
Part 2:
The young boy’s name was Gaunam. His mother disappeared while he was very young, and his father was murdered by the bandits. He informed Valia and Skarbod that a grand city of wizards stood in the vicinity, where food and shelter could be found. The rural lands have already been obliterated by the impending but unseen evil. Refugees were streaming from every direction towards the city of wizards. Its walls rumored to be fortified with strong magic, guarded by warrior mages of the highest caliber. It was the lone beacon of hope in a land of despair.

Valia’s group camped with some refugees. Bright eyes filled the cloudless night sky, peered down curiously at the sufferings of mortals, emotionless. Under these blinking eyes, Valia drifted into a calm slumber.
Spoiler:

Valia jolted awake from her nightmare. Her soul trembled with terror and euphoria. Sweat washed down her face, revealing her pale skin and sparkling yellow iris. She noticed Skarbod awake, watching her.


Chapter 2
Part 1
Image
The city of wizards stood in the distance, its pale walls shone in the sunlight. Against its outer walls lay a vast stretch of decaying tents, a stark contrast to the vibrant stone buildings inside the city. The city gates are swarmed by massive amounts of refugees, seeking entrance.

A mob of refugees near the city walls noticed the new arrivals, and swooped down on them. The two groups of refugees intertwined and struggled. Any meager amount of food would mean survival, even if only for a brief moment longer.

Valia, Skarbod, and Gaunam confronted the assailants and defended themselves. As the trio arrived at the city gate, a small side door opened to allow them passage inside. Nearby refugees dashed towards the entrance, but were engulfed by a flurry of lightning bolts. As Valia glanced back through the gate, she saw the charred figures writing on the ground, wounded. The fallen soon fell into the clutches of fellow refugees, mad with hunger, drooling. Unable to defend themselves, they resigned to a fate grimmer than death.
Part 2:
It was magnificent inside the city. Magic danced in the air while armed soldiers hurried about. A group of city guards introduced themselves to Valia and Skarbod, explaining that only children and capable fighters were let into the city, where they are expected to be of service to the city’s defense.

One of the guards led the two to their captain. The captain introduces Valia and Skarbod to a task board, filled with low priority tasks. By the captain's orders they were to undertake the tasks of their choosing.

Part 3:
Days had gone by, and there was no sign of Valia’s grandfather in the city. Having just returned from an exhausting errand, Valia strolled slowly in the night breeze to relax her mind. She thought about her grandfather, her old friends, and the tower city where she lived in. Valia closed her eyes, and immersed herself in the warmth of her memories.

A gigantic explosion shook Valia awake. She looked up, and saw fire and smoke dancing triumphantly over the main tower of the city. While distracted by the sudden event, a cloaked man rammed into her. Shaking off bewilderment, Valia found herself being carried off by the man. She struggled, yet no movement came to her muscles. Shear terror overcame her. Behind the cloaked man, ground shook and split open. Tongues of flame peeked out from the cracked earth and licked the air. The world was falling apart all around them.

I'm a bit happier where this story is going than the original version.


Looking for help of writer(s) on this demons related campaign. Few limitations on the story line, I don't mind if someone wants to start over with the story or continue where I left off. Thanks!
Story of Eleanor
A dwarven clan leader has snatched an elven princess away during an attack on an elven city. They fell in love and bore a son. The elves retaliated and took back the princess who was pregnant. A son was born, and he was a hybrid named Eleanor. He was teased and bullied by royalty while avoided by the commoners. Lonely and frustrated, he sought attention by pranks and destructive acts. His mother fell ill and no doctor could cure her. He left on a journey to seek medicine. All these years, the dwarves raided the elven border due to lack of resources in their mountains. Eleanor came upon an elven village under dwarven attack. First time faced with death, he trembled and fled, only to be caught by some dwarven soldiers. Eleanor's appearance was intriguing, so he was brought before the dwarven clan leader, his father, who recognizes him. Dwarven scholars labor over the answer to the elven princess' illness, to no avail. Eleanor journeys off with some dwarven bodyguards while his father must stay with his people. Eleanor treads into Triglodyte territory and became captured. An escaped dwarven bodyguard informs the clan leader, who leads dwarves into battle to save his son. This is when the party encounters the dwarves here. When Eleanor is saved, he joins.
Last edited by battlestar on June 3rd, 2012, 2:11 am, edited 31 times in total.
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by Boldek » November 30th, 2011, 10:15 pm

Half dwarf half elf? :shock: That's gonna be something to see!
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by battlestar » December 2nd, 2011, 12:09 am

I have not decided,

His facial features has the elegancy that of an elf, with pointy ears and long flowing blond hair, but a build similar to a dwarf, short and stout. However, he is much taller compared to an average dwarf. His weapon of choice is a bow, and carries an axe for melee combat.

Prologue 2 added

The elven king united all of the elven tribes under him, but it was not enough. His advisor pushed for the conquest of humans. The ultimate peace is just beyond total domination, when all become one. However, the king's soul was old and weary, having been ground away little by little by years of warfare. There will be no more, it's time for peace, even if it's with the humans.

Under the persuasion of his advisor, the king had a change of heart. With the elven army ripe, it was time the humans bowed down to the elves.

The humans succumb.

The elven king was made an emperor, the most powerful in their history. He reached out with his hand, but no movement came. He yelled out for help, but no voice came. His sunken eyes watched, as maggots feasted on his flesh, and flies danced in his celebration. He sang a lullaby of his childhood, with silence his chorus. No one knew when death finally discovered the emperor, who was sealed away to be hidden in his palace of gold.

A fake emperor of his appearance was poised in his seat of power, who was none other than his most trusted advisor.
-Is this segment of story clear on what happened or just too confusing yet?
Last edited by battlestar on December 16th, 2011, 1:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by Boldek » December 14th, 2011, 7:17 pm

Just a little bit. Very poetic, but a little confusing at first. Maybe saying ' to be buried in his palace of gold' or 'with the silence of death his chorus'.
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by battlestar » December 15th, 2011, 12:37 am

I love your phrases. With slight adjustment to emphasize on being sealed away.

The story is supposed to be of an Elven king who was tired of cruelty of wars after uniting the elven tribes, so his advisor sealed him away while taking the king's form to continue warfare against the humans. By the time the elves have become the dominant empire, the actual king had already been sealed away in his own palace, wasting away. Eventually all contact had been severed from the king to the outside world, and he was left to rot and be eaten by maggots. No one even knew that the king had already been dead while serving the fake king who had been the advisor with shape-shifting.

The underlined part is supposed to be hinted in the paragraphs but not explicitly stated.

Something similar had happened to a powerful emperor in the history, done in by eunuchs.
The elven king was made an emperor, the most powerful in their history. He reached out with his hand, but no movement came. He yelled out for help, but no voice came. His sunken eyes watched, as maggots feasted on his flesh, and flies danced in his celebration. He was to be sealed away in his palace of gold forever, with the silence of oblivion his chorus. No one knew when death finally discovered the emperor.
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by Boldek » December 15th, 2011, 12:58 am

Ok. I thought 'sealed away' meant being buried in a crypt. Hm, being trapped to die in your own palace, too old and weak to live....very disturbing, very thought provoking. I little shocking and cool in its own way.
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by battlestar » December 15th, 2011, 1:21 am

That's exactly what I'm going for, it's a demon campaign afterall :D

There's going to be couple of big surprises that encompasses the half or the entire story that has the potential for a even bigger shock. :wink:

Right now it's divided into
Demo: 1 spell system introduction map
Prologue: Fall of towers city, ascend to surface. (5 maps plus 1 random encounter map)
Part 1: finding wizard city, arrival of demons, escape (4 maps)
Part 2: human and orkish conflict (~30 maps to make), and the long journey (10 maps)
Part 3: distant elven kingdom, destruction of human empires.
Part 4: Track the dwarves, discover troglodytes
Part 5: Descend to hell
Part 6: rebellion against heaven
Part 7: demonic civil war

Each part with its main quest map, optional side quest maps, optional random encounter maps, and main maps usually have multiple paths to follow to progress to the next part (that can also vary in number of scenarios).
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by Boldek » December 15th, 2011, 4:37 pm

battlestar wrote:Part 5: Descend to hell
Part 6: rebellion against heaven
Part 7: demonic civil war
This is Valia doing this?
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by battlestar » December 15th, 2011, 8:04 pm

By that point, Valia would be accompanied by an old wizard, Skarbod the orc, Eleanor the elven dwarf, Hogan the assassin and Gaunam the knight, plus up to 3 heroes to be found in the side quests.
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by Boldek » December 17th, 2011, 5:53 pm

So Valia and her chums are the ones 'rebelling against heaven' and all that?
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by battlestar » December 17th, 2011, 7:10 pm

I'm still vague on that part of the story, but it's something about angels and demons used to be the same race of magical beings, separated by socioeconomic class. Conflict broke out, the lower classes escaped to another plane of existence while the upper classes continued their lifestyle by leeching off of mortals instead. Demons came back to face their past oppressors again, without much regard to the lives of mortals. Valia and the mortal races simply got wrapped up in all of this.

In short, the chums (elves, humans, dwarves alike) are used by "heaven" as source of resources, and they are being used by "hell" as soldiers in their rebellion against the "heaven".

Details and loose threads need to be refined. If I come up with something better, any of it can change.

And any ideas are welcome.
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by battlestar » January 15th, 2012, 5:39 pm

Part 1:
The world shivered, and its tremors traveled through the ground, shaking Valia from her slumber. A strange intuition took her to the tunnel exit where she emerged from the underground. There she found the caved-in passage with Skarbod standing over it, explaining that the earthquake had been the cause. Valia walked to the collapsed passage, and there she stood motionless as the froth of moonlight bathed over her pale skin.

The aimless wandering of Valia and Skarbod brought them to a smoldering village. Bodies littered the ground, stained by blood the color of jade. From the corners of their visions, they notice that bandits were closing in from all directions. They had eyes red-shot, and saliva free-flowing, as if their sanity melted away under the burning sun. Weapons showing, the bandits chortled at their prey.

The bandits weren’t much trouble for Valia and Skarbod. However, the dying words of the bandit leader nested in Valia’s memories.

The bandit leader had been a simple merchant. He led a happy life with his wife and children. Upon return from a tiresome trading trip, he found crows feeding on his wife’s eyes and pecking at his children’s guts. He mentioned that his families died at the hands of an evil beyond his comprehension, and that this world will soon perish in the flames of hellfire. He could no longer face his future; it was too much for him. He consumed the decayed bodies of his family, so that they would always be with him. It was not enough to sooth his pain, and he saw the only escape in becoming one with the evil he faced, in order to pass the pain onto others. The arrival of Valia and Skarbod was the answer to his prayers in taking the pain away once and for all so he could finally find eternal rest.

Among the ruins, a young boy peeked out at Valia and Skarbod, and then quickly he shrunk back. As the pair turned to leave the village, he bolted after them. With stuttering voice he asked to follow Valia and Skarbod because they were strong enough to defeat the bandits. The boy had a face that reminded Valia of Glani, and she allowed him to tag along.


Link for where they go in the story: http://forums.wesnoth.org/viewtopic.php ... 45#p513512

-- Suggestions/comments at this point?

-- Any ideas for description of a grand city ruled by magi? My preliminary thought is a huge city over looking a vast plain, with some mountains to the east where protagonists overlook the city upon arrival. The city walls are pale and the buildings inside are made of stones and vibrant colored roofs. Tall towers at the center of the city stand erect over the rest of the city structures, with the tallest central ones piercing through the clouds. Outside the city walls are the slums of refugees, decaying in every way possible, melting into giant puddle of mush surrounding the city. Refugees swarm the city gates, and they would rob any new comers of their belongings.
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Re: Crimson Sea [campaign storyline]

Post by Swiss_Army_Cheese » January 23rd, 2012, 2:02 pm

averyimaginativename wrote:I think maybe I wasn't very clear originally, I'll try to be more verbose...
As for having a heavy reading, I do plan on having the player the option of reading short or long version of the stories. In addition, I don't plan to have the textual story being the high-light of this campaign. Heaviest readings will be in the pre-scn story panels which the players can skip altogether, if they wish.
What I was trying to get at was that a compromise, well, compromises things.

On the one hand the story as you have it is good enough that it could be the highlight of the campaign. Having it somewhat secondary to the gameplay is almost an injustice to the work. On the other hand, in add-on feedback, people start to complain about "walls of text" after ~3 paragraphs, and after ~5 those complaints start getting common, which limits what you can do with the story within a campaign.

Maybe your long version/short version options will be sufficient. Personally, I like heavy text in games (in terms of both content and amount), but I'm also aware I'm in a minority.
For me it is not about a matter of how much text but a matter of pacing the wads of exposition. I prefer 2-3 medium/short-lengthed interlude levels to sticking in one large interlude.
My case and point: Under The Burning Suns of which's 4th to last mission (and by "mission" I include all-talky levels) which is spent talking to that Merman Woman, I felt was too long. In its defence, a lot of the exposition there couldn't of been dealt for plot related reasons (e.g Geography and the lack of characters who would have such knowledge to exposit). In its offence, I reckon that about a quarter of the dialogue on the sandy island could have been moved to either the opening of the following level or immediately after the slaying of the Saurian leader.
If you think the story could be made less "hammy", please make more specific suggestions, they will be welcomed.
Tip for making your story 'less "hammy"': Make sure every thing is kosher :D

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