"Villagers Revenge" Campaign Idea - Help Appreciated!

[Archos]

Caution: This storyline is LONG. I haved laid out the campaign scenario by scenario... reading the storyline is almost like reading a short story by itself. To save space, I have split the campaign into the individual scenarios.
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Story Script: "Villager's Revenge"

This campaign centers around a boy, Dirryn (race/unit type undecided, probably loyalist; faction from non-default era would be cool, but will probably be default if it makes the story simpler - suggestions welcome), his friend Eli, also a loyalist, and Brialdor, of the Knalgan Alliance (friend or enemy, depending on your choice.)

Introduction/Outline (sorta):

The beginning of the story takes place in Cloudwater Valley. It starts in the village of Patria, home of Dirryn and Eli, which is situated in a bend of the valley's namesake, the Cloudwater River. This valley is scenic, beautiful, and due to the river has plenty of fertile farmland which the inhabitants of the valley enjoy immensely. However, this farmland does not go unnoticed by ruthless war leaders from the outside, who often fight each other for the right to establish their own little city-state there. As a result, control of the valley changes hands frequently, and blood is often spilled. Unfortunately, this holds especially true for our particular village which, due to its unique strategic position, is often at the center of the conflict. At the start of our story a particularly fierce battle (between the current rulers of Cloudwater (a particularly cruel group of bandits and other such humans, although this is subject to change based on suggestions) and a group of attackers (most likely orcs hoping to sieze control) has left Patria burned to the ground.

Note: In-campaign, this campaign intro (the brief history of Cloudwater Valley, and the reason for its bloody history) and all scenario intros will be said from the viewpoint of Dirryn as if recounting a past story (basically just descriptions of "story so far", except spoken with greater emotion and discription, also in first-person POV instead of third person; if there seems to be sufficient enthusiasm for the campaign I will post prelim versions of the planned campaign and scenario introductions word-for-word.

Scenario 1: "Exile" (dialogue only):

The surviving villagers convene to discuss what to do. The argument quickly becomes divided. Most of the older villagers (lvl. 2 and 3 units) are of the opinion that nothing can be done, that the best thing to do is to simply rebuild the village and, should the valley change hands once more, hope that the new ruler proves to be more forgiving than the previous one. However, many of the younger folk (lvl. 0 and 1 units), which includes Dirryn and his friends, wish to enter the battle as a third side, hoping through luck and the blind enthusiasm of the young, to destroy both the attacker and the current leader, and reclaim the valley as their own. The argument soon grows heated and Dirryn, losing control of his temper, attacks one of the more outspoken of the older villagers. All are shocked by this act, including Dirryn himself, and eventually, the villagers decided to banish Dirryn and all who side with him from the village forever. With no home left to go to and nothing to lose, Dirryn and his friends decide to lead the battle against the warring parties and hope for the best.

This takes place in a sort of "zoomed-in" Patria. The "village" tiles that will appear within what is in fact a zoomed in version of a village tile itself are, for the purposes of this setting, not actually villages within a village at all, but houses. All clear? Good.

Scenario 2: "The Unlikely Revolt p.1":

They battle and, long story short, are destroyed inexorably. The attacking orcs are repelled as well, but take Dirryn and Eli as prisoners anyway. The duo are taken back to the orcish encampment the attackers came from, and are thrown into prison.

In this scenario, since we are zoomed out of the village and seeing the Cloudwater Valley in all its glory, Patria once again appears as a single village tile at its proper position at the bend in the Cloudwater River. Everything in this scenario after the defeat of Dirryn and Eli (the defeat of the attackers, the capturing of the duo) will most likely be described in-game as part of the intro to scenario 3, not as an in-scenario event.

Scenario 3: "The Great Escape" (inspired by the stealth scenario in Count Kromire):

While captured they befriend another prisoner, Brialdor, probably a thug. He has been a prisoner of the city since the battle before Dirryn's, roughly a year ago. Through him, they hear rumors of a small camp up north in the Stonewhite Mountains. Supposedly, it is a haven for escaped prisoners of previous battles in Cloudwater Valley, as well as refugees who had also had their own homes destroyed or simply couldn't take the violence. Dirryn, Eli, and Brialdor decide to escape to the refugee camp, thinking that if they can get there, they might be able to recruit some refugees and lead a revolt against the ruler of Cloudwater. They immediately begin plotting their escape.They wait until nightfall on a foggy night and escape from the prison and down out of the city. It goes off without a hitch, although the guards at the gates of the city are impossible to sneak around and so, in order to pass, will have to be bribed with the 100 gold given at the beginning of the campaign for this purpose. If you get caught by other people within the city whilst sneaking around they will sound the alarm for the city's guards (which will probably be L2 goblins.)

Scenario 4: "The Refugee Encampment":

They travel upstream (north) along the Cloudwater River, which also has its headwaters in the Stonewhite Mountains just north of Cloudwater Valley. These headwaters are where the refugee camp is rumored to be, but no one has ever confirmed this, as the journey there is rough and perilous. They don't get very far upriver before they find a band of orcs on their way back to the city. Realizing Dirryn and his group as the fugitives they are, the orcs attempt to capture and return them to the prison city. Dirryn and his merry band of followers are thus forced to wipe out their assailants.

This should be a fairly low key, easy battle, at least on easy and normal difficulties (will probably be a fair challenge on hard). It is mostly intended to gain experience and level up troops, since in the previous three scenarios, the only scenario in which you actually fight (scenario 2) is a scenario in which you are supposed to fail, and in that scenario, any experience that your troops might possibly have gained was lost when the troops were wiped out.

Scenario 5: " A Restless Sleep" (dialogue only):

The night before reaching the edge of the Stonewhite Mountains, Dirryn gets up in the middle of the night. By the flickering light of the campfire, he sees Brialdor returning upstream out of the gloomy fog that surrounds the camp. Brialdor seems worried and, preoccupied with whatever problem is troubling him, does not seem to notice that Dirryn is awake from this distance. Dirryn is suspicious, and debates inwardly whether to confront him about his whereabouts that night or simply go back to sleep. He decides on the former. Dirryn waits to see if Brialdor will ever notice him. He does, but not until he is very close to the camp. Dirryn asks Brialdor he was going on such a dark night - after all, these lands are not safe for them. Brialdor says that he had simply heard a noise in the fog and was going to investigate. Dirryn is still suspicious, but, with no proof that Brialdor was actually up to anything, he decides to put the issue to rest, and goes back to sleep.

Scenario 6: "Followed":

They continue traveling along the river into the mountains, and come across a stranger (loyalist? bandit? can't decide) who seems to be a refugee from the camp that Dirryn and his friends are searching for. The stranger is naturally suspicious of the trio, but is unable to turn them back - it appears that the group was being followed by another group of orcs. The orcs, realizing they've been noticed, attack, and Dirryn and the stranger join together to defeat them.

This battle is harder than the last one, as there are two orc leaders this time.

Scenario 7: "Stopped at the Doors":

Grateful for the help in defeating the orcs, the travelers explain to the stranger the situation they are in. The stranger agrees to take them to the refugee encampment. They begin traveling, but on the way there, they run into a group of trolls who are blocking their progress. They defeat the trolls and continue to the encampment.

This is another battle meant for experience. It's still a challenge, but not frustratingly so.

Scenario 8: "The Rising of the Ants":

They reach the refugee encampment, where they are greeted with outrage. Apparently, Dirryn's suspicions of Brialdor were not unfounded. It appears that Brialdor is a prison rat for the orcs whose city they escaped. During the course of the entire journey to the refugee camp, he had been making secret meetings at night with the orcs who had been secretly following them. This was the trip that Dirryn caught him returning from. These same orcs were killed by Dirryn and the stranger in the mountains, but it was too late. They had already gotten enough information back to the encampment for the orcs to discern the location of the refugee camp. Now, the leader of the orcs that attacked the ruler of Cloudwater Valley, and his best war general, are attacking the refugee camp they reached based on Brialdor's instructions. Manning the defensive walls, Dirryn and his new ally, the leader of the refugee camp (a loyalist mage, probably L2 red mage; can't decide) fight the orcs. Brialdor, meanwhile, retreats to safety behind the two orcish keeps. Finally, the orcs are defeated, and the two orcish leaders killed. Dirryn is about to do the same to Brialdor for his betrayal when Brialdor begs for his life.

At this point, you can decide whether or not to kill Brialdor.

Kill Brialdor - Leader of the refugee encampment joins you as an ally, and you get a generous amount of the gold in the encampment's treasury (500(?) gold).
Let him live - Brialdor rejoins you as your ally, refugee leader doesn't join, but gives you some of his troops as thanks for helping to defend the camp (you gain 3 loyal L3 outlaws)

Scenario 9: "The Unlikely Revolt p.2":

With his confidence boosted after the victory at the refugee camp, Dirryn leads his new troops back to Cloudwater Valley. When he returns, he attacks the cruel ruler of Cloudwater (a L3 Assassin). After a massive battle, the leader is overthrown, and Cloudwater Valley is freed. Dirryn and his friends are welcomed back to the valley and to Patria with open arms and showers of thanks. And they all lived happily ever after.

This battle should be a fair challenge on easy, pretty difficult on normal, and frustratingly difficult on hard - after all, you're overthrowing a well-established warlord.

Any and all help/critiques are appreciated! If you notice a problem with the storyline, please don't hesitate to point it out.

[monochromatic]

One thing: just learn WML. It might look confusing right now, but it won't after you learn it. It's not that hard, I'd say in fact it would probably be easier to learn and code the campaign yourself than to find someone to code it for you. All those 'souls who are willing to take a small nooblet under their wings' also have a life, you know.

A good place to start is the big 'Create' at the top of the page.

[zookeeper]

My usual advice to beginning campaign makers:

A good approach is always to just download some existing add-on and start tinkering with it, changing whatever you can understand. Keep the WML reference open so you can check what each tag and key does. I suggest you get Dead Water from the add-on server, find out where its files went, and then just start changing things.

For example, you can just delete each scenario except the first one, and then change everything in the first one in whatever way you want. That way you at least have something which works right away and don't have to worry about understanding every part of the code immediately.

[Archos]

Y'know, I've been to the Create page tons of times, and I only just noticed the WML reference link. Thank you!

Zookeeper: I will do that! Thanks!

With that said... I guess I'll shift the focus more to critiquing the storyline then.

[johndh]

This is regarding the name "Dirryn". I'm personally against adding the letter 'y' to names to make them look cool/pseudo-Celtic, since the spelling suggests Celtic/Welsh phonetics, but usually aren't meant to be pronounced as such by the writers. In this case, it could be der-in, dire in, dear in, Da Rhine, da rune, or various other things, depending on how the player chooses to read it. I think it's fine to use the name, but I'd go with a more phonetically friendly spelling.

Note: I'm not an expert on Celtic phonetics, so some of those pronunciations were likely bogus, but my point remains that it's unclear.

[Unnheulu]

I pronounce Dirryn "Dee-(welsh letter Rh)-in".

[Icarusvogel]

I pronounce it DIRR - in. True. Another name might be wise if we can only get it in writing, even though I like the name as such.

[boru]

The argument soon grows heated and Dirryn, losing control of his temper, attacks one of the more outspoken of the older villagers. All are shocked by this act, including Dirryn himself, and eventually, the villagers decided to banish Dirryn and all who side with him from the village forever. With no home left to go to and nothing to lose, Dirryn and his friends decide to lead the battle against the warring parties and hope for the best.

If Dirryn is meant to be a hero, then some kind of reparation has to be made for this attack. If he's chaotic, I guess it can go on without any comment. Either way, I'm not sure why you chose this for starters. It seems to vanish, and in the end, all is forgiven.

The attacking orcs are repelled as well, but take Dirryn and Eli as prisoners anyway. The duo are taken back to the orcish encampment the attackers came from, and are thrown into prison.

Hmm, maybe if the orcs think D&E are princes and they can get a big ransom, they might take them as prisoners, but I think standard orcish procedure is a little less humane than prison.

Dirryn is still suspicious, but, with no proof that Brialdor was actually up to anything, he decides to put the issue to rest, and goes back to sleep.

I think you're really really tipping your hand here, so much so that you guarantee zero surprise by the revelations later on.

When he returns, he attacks the cruel ruler of Cloudwater (a L3 Assassin). After a massive battle, the leader is overthrown, and Cloudwater Valley is freed.

Do we ever see this dude before he shows up to be the big boss in your finale? What's he been up to since the battle in part 2?