Pheonix Empire (a long story).

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Midnight_Carnival
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Pheonix Empire (a long story).

Post by Midnight_Carnival » February 22nd, 2010, 9:18 am

I hope this is the right place to post this, I want feedback on a proposed storyline for a campaign.
<I can easilly forsee it degenerating into a flamewar and being moved to off-topic or locked, but I hope not.>

Special thanks go to Zarel who's interesting discussion on Saurain and Naga biology prompted me to reconsider giving up on this campaign. I am now resolved that at the very least I will write the campaign dialogue and finish the sprites for new units, then upgrade my Wesnoth and download a new campaign to look at the code...

I have written the dialogue for the first and second stages as well as a summary of the basic campaign plot. I'd welcome any comments, criticism and please as many suggestions as possible, even things like names you want me to change, I don't care how silly.

I don't think this will ever become a mainline campaign, but I don't want to make something completely at odds with the rest of Wesnoth, and that is why I am particularly interested to hear what you have to say on the subjects of history and biology.
Oh, and by the way, I am including at least two female Saurian characters in this campaign. I have already started work on the sprites; if you strongly feel that they shouldn't have breasts, then instead of flaming me why don't you draw better looking sprites and send them to me? :P

Here is the dialogue from the first two stages and the plot summary, I'd also value any stylistic guidence you have to offer.

Phoenix Empire Campaign.

Campaign Intro:

12000 years ago the vast and mighty Saurian Empire rose, devouring continents and oceans.
=
In the height of their power they conquered and enslaved other races: the ancient Dwarves were valued for their mining and metalworking abilities, but the fathers of modern humans were not so favoured.
=
Life for the G'haman - as they were known - was short, brutal and miserable. They were used ruthlessly and eaten when they fell dead from exhaustion. The strong and cunning G'haman frequently revolted against their Saurian masters, but they lacked cohesion and discipline. They were no match for the Saurian legions.
=
In the year 3205 by the reckoning of the sages, the Empire encountered a strange people in distant western lands. They resembled G'haman but were not as squat or powerfully built. They called themselves Elves.
=
Thinking them to be a weaker strain of G'haman, the Saurians began subduing them and systematically reducing their numbers. This was a grievous error. The Elves employed formidable sorcerers and were disciplined in battle, they routed Imperial garrison and forced and uneasy truce with the Empire.
=
Elven sages visited Ti'amat, capital of the mighty Saurian Empire to share their knowledge with the Saurians, but they also shared their knowledge with the wretched G'haman slaves.
=
When the Saurians found out about this they were furious. They dispatched fully a third of their armies to the western lands on a punitive mission. News of the fleet's departure was the last message to reach the remote backwater colony of Merarak, after that silence...
=
The Imperial tax-collectors did not come for the yearly tribute, so the Saurians of Merarak stored this away. In the times of hardship which followed that the sages named 'the silent centuries', the stored tribute was used the keep the beleaguered colony alive.
=
End of Intro

First Stage: Troubling News.
Stage Intro:

The Saurian Senate declared that the rulership of the distant colonies should be hereditary, to save them the trouble of appointing new governors. In the year 4435 by the reckoning of the sages, two Saurians [????! were hatched from the same egg?/were born at the same time?/erupted from the same bud?]. They were a male named Tzarak and a female named Ezara; the sages were at a loss for what to do, as both should inherit the position of governor. Eventually it was decided the Tzarak should become governor when he came of age, while Ezara showed signs of extreme fertility even from her childhood, she would be trained as a sage in the hope that she would one day become a great matriarch.

Ingame:
On the eve of his appointment as Praetor, Tzarak received news that the G'haman on the eastern shore had risen in revolt.
=
His childhood tutor and adviser Quaestor Xassan was there monitoring the volcano. Tzarak took action immediately, he marched with a small force to subdue the savage G'haman.
=
Tzarak:
"Kill the fighting savages, but do not harm the females or young ones."
Tzarak:
"Do not eat their dead either. Capture their headman and bring him to me, I would know the reason for their discontent, they have been well treated."
<begin>
Objectives:
Defeat G'haman leader.
Find Xassan.
-
Tzarak must not die.
<victory>
Tzarak:
"Hiss! that was harder than I thought it would be; those savages are tough..."
Tzarak:
"Quaestor Xassan! are you well? I would hear your report on the volcano after I have dealt with this angry savage."
Xassan:
"This is absurd! the wretches should be slaughtered!"
Manroke (G'haman chief):
"We are being slaughtered..."
Xassan:
"Silence! Hiss! you took me prisoner like some animal! Tzarak you are too impulsive, it is high time you took your position as Praetor Seriously!"
Tzarak:
"... as you have told me before. Once you are rested and composed I would hear your report on our volcano."
Xassan:
(muttering)
Tzarak:
"G'haman, you have risen in arms against the Saurian Empire and taken a Quaestor prisoner! these are serious crimes and I would know the reason."
Manroke:
"Great master, your mother treated us well, but our people are sorely afflicted!"
Manroke:
"Tall strangers cross the sea by night and murder us"
Manroke:
"Their weapons are formidable and they attack without warning. I have ordered that my people go about armed."
Tzarak:
"That is another crime..."
Manroke:
"We spoke to the Great Crocodile many tides past, but he said that the squabbling of children was not worthy to bring before the She-Serpent. He ordered us to look after ourselves..."
Tzarak:
"My mother? how long have these attacks been going on for?"
Manroke:
"Since the She-Serpent was hatched."
[????!Tzarak: we are not hatched, we are born live like you?/Tzarak: we are not hatched, we erupt from growth-buds?]
Manroke:
"We sent a delegation to address the new master, we carried weapons to defend ourselves in case our enemies attacked."
Manroke:
"On the way we met the Great Crocodile, he was in a terrible rage. He said that he would call the fighting lizards to slay us for bearing weapons."
Manroke:
"We were afraid so we caught him in a net. When you came we thought you were his guards. We did not want to fight."
Tzarak:
"... but you did, and you have spilt Saurian blood! Do you have any proof of these enemies of yours?"
Manroke:
"This weapon I carry was taken from them, I have never before seen its like!"
Tzarak:
"Iron!"
Tzarak:
"Tell me of these strangers: were they tall with sand-coloured hair on their heads but none around the mouth? Did they have the bright eyes and pointed ears of wild dogs?"
Manroke:
"They were tall, yes, but had ears like mine, and some had beards."
Tzarak:
"So they were not Elves... still, this is serious news!"
Tzarak:
"Your crimes are forgiven since you were desperate. But never again raise your hand to the Saurian Empire!"
Tzarak:
"We must make an example of these newcomers! Put the G'haman back in their places!"
Xassan:
"That can wait Praetor! My news can't. The island is about to explode!"

End of Stage.

Second Stage: Putting Things in Order.
Stage Intro:

To Xassan's disgust, Tzarak gave Manroke his weapon back, he ordered the G'haman to devote an hour every day to training so they could fight off the newcomers and instructed that they seize as many iron weapons as they could from their foes and give these to their best fighters. The Saurians returned to the Saurian settlement to ready their people for departure, Tzarak meant to take the G'haman along to their new home as they would be needed in building a settlement. He gathered them on the eastern shore and ordered them to build many vessels to carry the Saurians and their people across the sea. He was studying the old charts with Xassan and his sister Ezara when a G'haman messenger arrived and announced that the G'haman workers had come under attack from a large force of the strangers. Knowing the danger they were in if the vessels were not completed in time, Tzarak left immediately with Ezara. He instructed Xassan to remain behind and supervise the preparations for their departure.

Ingame:
The Saurians arrived to find the G'haman in disarray. Many tall strangers had arrived in vessels superior to those the Saurians had ordered the G'haman to produce; they had set up camp and were engaged in fighting the G'haman who resisted valiantly.

Manroke:
"The Young Dragon has brought the She-Dragon and his lizard warriors to save us!"
Manroke:
"I told you our masters were good to us..."
Tzarak:
"Order your people back to their camps, give me your best fighters, together we will drive these strangers back into the sea!"
<you can now recruit Savage Scouts>
Bandit Leader:
"These must be the snakes the monkey-men worship! Bring me their hides, they will fetch a high price."
Merfolk Leader (Nooz):
"They are not Naga, we have no fight with the Saurians. My people will not aid you in this."
Ezara:
"Fish-tail, who are you and why do you want to fight the Naga? It has been ages since Imperial Naga have come with tidings from Ti'amat."
Nooz:
"We have driven the cursed Naga from these waters."
Tzarak:
"So that is why we have received no word from the Empire! Slaughter the strangers, but bring me that fish-tail, I want to find out if they have the messages from Ti'amat."

<begin>
Objectives:
Defeat Bandit leader.
Defeat Merfolk leader.
-
Tzarak must not die.
Ezara must not die.
Manroke must not die.
<victory>

Nooz:
"We did not intend to fight you, only defend ourselves..."
Tzarak:
"What are you doing here? Did your people kill any Naga bearing messages for us, we will let you go if you give us the messages."
Nooz:
"We have slain many Naga in our war against them, but none carried any messages."
Nooz:
"We were hired by the Humans to guide their ships through the deadly reefs, they told us that there were no people living on this island except for some monkeys and snake-men."
Nooz:
"We thought you were a secret Naga camp."
Ezara:
"He's cute, can we keep him?"
Tzarak:
"The G'haman are not monkeys and we are not Naga. Your friends killed many of our slaves and nearly destroyed our vessels."
Ezara:
"Besides, monkeys are smaller than G'haman and tastier."
Nooz:
"They were not our friends, they paid us to guide them through the reefs, take their vessels if you want to leave, but this is a nice island."
Ezara:
"It is rather... Just a pity it is going to blow up soon."
Tzarak:
"We must leave here with our G'haman."
Nooz:
"My people are obliged to help Humans whenever they can. We did not attack 'your' Humans, but if you mean to save them they we will help you."
Nooz:
"The reefs around this island are deadly, you will never make it out without our help."
Nooz:
"Since we unknowingly helped one group of Humans fight against another we will guide your ships out free of charge."
Nooz:
"But you must promise not to mistreat the Humans or keep them for food..."
Ezara:
"Can we eat those dead ones over there?"
Nooz:
(gagging)
Tzarak:
"In return for your aid fish-tail, we will no longer eat G'haman."
Manroke:
"About bloody time!"

End of Stage.

Summary of the plot for the rest of the campaign:
Spoiler:


-Thanks for reading all that and not flaming me on the biology.
...apparenly we can't go with it or something.

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NurlorVoronwe
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Re: Pheonix Empire (a long story).

Post by NurlorVoronwe » February 24th, 2010, 6:28 pm

Hello

I think that your campaign is interesting... i have never played with saurians in a campaign! i like it :)
In the year 4435 by the reckoning of the sages, two Saurians [????! were hatched from the same egg?/were born at the same time?/erupted from the same bud?].
i prefer first one... sounds better

grettings!
Nûrlor Voronwë

--II Punic War for Battle for Wesnoth! *Coming soon*
Parts of the storyline here

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Midnight_Carnival
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Re: Pheonix Empire (a long story).

Post by Midnight_Carnival » February 26th, 2010, 9:40 am

Thanks.
There is another Saurian campaign under development, I don't know the story-line, but it looked good from the little I was priveledged to learn about it.

<free advertising opportunity here>

I hope thatmy campaign will not be made obsolete by other Saurian campaigns, since mine is not set in Wesnoth (the country/kingdom), and that sort of thing.
You want Saurians to hatch out of eggs just because it sounds better? Ok, they'll hatch then :)
...apparenly we can't go with it or something.

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Re: Pheonix Empire (a long story).

Post by artisticdude » February 26th, 2010, 12:01 pm

This seems like an interesting campaign to me. Please keep with it. And frankly, do what you please with the female saurians, I'm fine with whatever. :wink: :hmm: Actually there are two saurian campaigns currently under development, mine and Halavuta's (sorry if I misspelled your username, but I think I got it right :wink: ). If you pull this through, there'll be three (a trilogy :shock:, I like trilogies ).
"I'm never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken."

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Midnight_Carnival
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Re: Pheonix Empire (a long story).

Post by Midnight_Carnival » February 27th, 2010, 1:41 pm

Have you posted the storyline anywhere? I'd like to read it, perhaps I could alter a few elements of my own campaign to promote a sense of continuity between them (because I also like trilogies).
...apparenly we can't go with it or something.

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Re: Pheonix Empire (a long story).

Post by artisticdude » February 27th, 2010, 2:21 pm

Midnight_Carnival wrote:Have you posted the storyline anywhere?
Erm, ah, no... I didn't even really have a complete storyline up until yesterday. :oops: I'll post the full storyline in my campaign thread tomorrow, if you're interested. I might have to change around a few dates, because I originally imagined the storyline taking place around when Haldric founded Wesnoth, but the story doesn't hinge on the date at all really, since the story never actually reaches Wesnoth.
"I'm never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken."

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Midnight_Carnival
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Re: Pheonix Empire (a long story).

Post by Midnight_Carnival » February 28th, 2010, 10:20 am

I'd love to read your storyline.
Don't try to acomodate me in this whole trillogy thing, I will try to acomodate you. Chronologically, my campaign probably takes place after Httt campaign and after Eastern Invasion (? I can't remember, it was the other one with that guy with the big nose who battles hordes of undead from the east...) but it relies on story elements which took place in Wesnoth pre-history so...

That asside, I'm working on my Egyptian Art module for my M.Phil, and surprisingly getting somewhere, so I can't write that much on my campaign right now, but I've skipped ahead to the into of the final battle showdown between Tzarak and Emperor Curtis, the human emperor.

I feel that something is probably missing apart from the briliant comeback you are going to help me with at the end. Please, do not hesitate to share you insights.

Final Stage: Dreams Die Here.
Stage Intro:

The Saurians found their way to the coast uncontested by Human forces, suspecting trouble, they were on their guard. On the day they were due to cross a Human rider came to inform them that Emperor Curtis had come and would meet with the leader of the Saurians face to face to discuss an end to hostilities. This did not put Tzarak at ease, becuase of the huge number of Human forces his scouts reported in the area. Nonetheless, he agreed to meet with the Human emperor.

Ingame:
The emperor came alone except for a single Lord, clearly a great warrior, but hardly a match for the entire Saurian army.
=
Scouts reported only a small force which escorted the Human ruler, and no mages in sight.
=
Tzarak went out to meet with Emperor Curtis, taking his most trusted advisors, the Cibly, Xassan, Ezara his sister [and Manroke if he's still alive]
=
Crutis:
"You lizards have proved to me that you can fight and that you are worthy of my consideration, that is why I have come to meet with you."
=
Grand Knight <Lord Onyell>:
"Kneel before the Emperor!"
=
Xassan:
"All here have bowed before His Majesty save the two of you..."
=
Curtis:
"... and who might you be, proud lizard, to instruct emperors to bow and kneel?"
=
Tzarak:
"He is my senator, my censor, my advisor and friend. I am the emperor."
=
Curtis:
"This is prepostrous! by what right do you claim that title?!"
=
Tzarak:
"Fifteen thousand years ago, while your kind were less advanced than Orcs, when you would hide in trees and throw fruit, there was an Empire."
=
Tzarak:
"Beings such as yourself would come crawling, begging to be enslaved, that they might find refuge from the wilds"
=
Tzarak:
"That Empire was ruled by an Emperor, and by the Sentate which appointed him."
=
Tzarak:
"The Senate was comprised of the most powerful of our matriarchs and the wisest of our sages, with whom the proud Elves shared knoledge on equal terms"
=
Tzarak:
"The greatest of our matriarchs, the Holy Cibyl found the power to hold death itself at bay for thousands of years"
=
Tzarak:
"She grew in wisdom and power, she was venerated as the greatest of all oracles by the ancient Elves"
=
Tzarak:
"You who stand before her should know, that it was by her great wisdom, and by her authority as the Senate embodied that I was declared Emperor"
=
Tzarak:
"I have stated my claim to this title. What please is yours?"
=
Curtis:
"Pah! the silly reptile hisses big words and expects emperors to heed him."
=
Ezara:
"Ok, as comebacks go, that didn't even register. Tzarak and I will teach you one day..."
=
Onyell:
"The Emperor will not suffer to be insulted!"
=
Xassan:
"If the man is angered by the hissings of some silly reptile, he can't be much of an emperor."
=
Curtis:
"Enough of this!"
=
Curits:
"I know what you Saurians want, and I pity you..."
=
Curtis:
"but don't you see, if I grant you your homeland, I must do the same for the Orcs, even the Undead?"
=
Curtis:
"And that would make the great struggle of my people meaningless!"
=
Cibyl:
"Last time I checked, the Orcs didn't ask your permission for anything; isn't that why you sought peace with us?"
=
Curits:
"I came to grant you mercy!"
=
Curtis:
"I wanted to let you pass from the borders of my empire in peace."
=
Curtis:
"Since you have brought your green scaly attittude, you will be slaughtered without mercy!"
=
Curtis:
"Fools! why do you insist on fighting us?"
=
Tzarak:
[really great comeback required!]
=
<Curtis and Onyell leave>
[if Manroke is still alive:
Manroke:
"Shall I instruct my warriors to hide in trees and throw fruit during the battle?"
=
Tzarak:
"..."]
<begin>
...apparenly we can't go with it or something.

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