A Goblin's Tale

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Lancer
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A Goblin's Tale

Post by Lancer » December 8th, 2009, 1:20 pm

Let me first point out that English is not my native language,
I made this in my spare time and I think it could be promising.
This is my first time writing a fan fiction, so please bare with me and correct me with any mistakes you should encounter,
Thank you.


Because he was weak, frail, and slow, he had always been neglected and was considered a waste of space..
Yar' just another Goblin, just another mistake of birth!

He had always been frowned upon as the lowest of the Goblins of this Orcish tribe..
Ya' only point of your short and miserable life is to die in combat while atleast weakening ya' enemies!

Little did the Orcs know, that this particular Goblin was intelligent and capable of a social life, even though physically weak.
The generalized view of all Goblins has always been negative, so Argahnur was no exception to his superior Orcs.
It would only be a matter of time untill Argahnur would be thrown into an Orcish raid with his fellow Goblins to march to their demise..


Unfortunately for him, that day has now come..
The sirens of battle called upon the Orcish tribe, as the Goblins were quickly thrown in the frontlines by their superiors.
As they marched to a small town occupied by a Wesnothian army, Argahnur gulped and knew his end would be near, and so did his fellow Goblins.
Just another simple raid to fend off for the organized Wesnothian army.
The Wolf Riders, covering the flanks of the Orcish lines, frowned and laughed upon the weakly equipped Goblins that marched to their end of their lives.
The pushing of the Orcish troops behind Argahnur was indeed fearfull, but not as much as the sight of the Wesnothian Spearmen line welcoming the Orcs with pleasure.
Image

The command was given to charge, as the harsh sounds of rushing Orcs ran to the organized frontline of the Wesnothian army.
Their Bowmen unleashed a storm of arrows covering the sky, whereafter the deaths of Goblins and Orcs alike built up.
Shortly before the clash of the two armies, the Spearmen threw javelins of which one kills Argahnur's only friend.
The Orcs clashed upon the Human lines, swords clashed against shield, and the sound of death and blood was everywhere.
Veteran Longbowmen shot their storm of death upon the Orcish lines, making the casualties even higher.
Argahnur managed to escape his faith unlike the rest of the Goblins that occupied the frontline.
Because of his intelligence, he knew that this battle would be a good opportunity for him to escape enslavement,
something which no Goblin in Orcish recorded history has ever managed to do.
Running back would mean traitory and the Orc closest to him would personally kill him.
He decided to move to the left flank of which little was left, he had to make haste since the Humans were almost outflanking them.
However, because of his low profile and stature, he managed to get unnoticably away from the battlefield..

A couple of minutes later, Argahnur stops to catch his breath behind a hill where nobody could see him.
He knew that traitory would be punished with torture and death if catched by the Orcs, and any other major race would kill him on sight thinking he is just "another" Goblin..
This fact came as a slap to his face.

To be continued.. (leave comments if you'd like, tips or any feedback, constructive critisizm, etc so I know what to work on in the next episode, or if I even should continue working on this).
Last edited by Lancer on December 15th, 2009, 11:36 pm, edited 3 times in total.
"Lancers are among the bravest and most feared riders in all of Wesnoth."

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Lancer
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Re: A Goblin's Tale

Post by Lancer » December 8th, 2009, 6:06 pm

..
ROAWR!!
Argahnur woke up in an instant after hearing a big animal roar.
He looked around him, as he saw only trees..
He slowly began to realize what happened, he has escaped his Orcish clan tribe and has fell asleep in the forest after fleeing as far as he could possibly go from the Orcish territorium.
He picked up his spear which was next to nothing but a stick with a not-sharp point, and stood steady, looking around him at the thick vegetation wondering where the big roar came from..
He then collapsed on the ground, thinking about his past and future.. Could he possibly find any shelter?
Could he possibly live with any other race in harmony? He let off a tear, knowing that he would been the only Goblin with a smart enough brain to escape enslavement from their not-so-wary Orcish kin.
He leans against a tree and looks up above him at the empty sky, wondering where he even is, still in Orcish territorium?
Or did he walk off to Human-controlled grounds? Is this an Elvish forest? Argahnur was as confused as he was sad..
His spiritual and lone moment gets interupted by a wolf appearing from out the bushes, glaring at his eyes
Image
Argahnur stood sharp, waiting for the wolf to make a move.. He has never seen an untamed wolf before, and he knew that only the most respected Goblins get to tame these and ride on them, but his hope got faded away when the wolf made a big roar, the same that woke him up. The wolf took a leap at him and Argahnur closed his eyes while holding the spearpoint pointed at the wolf. The animal hit the spearpoint and it broke off, but also hurting the wolf as it does so. The wolf, in pain, slowly walks away and eventually runs off into the thick bushes. Argahnur was tired, and now with a broken spear he has no means to defend himself. After a big sigh, he stood up tight and walked off, hearing animal sounds and seeing things he has never seen before, considering he only had a life of isolation and neglection from his Orcish kin, and he was privileged with nothing.

After walking a couple of hundred meters, which for an average Goblin is already at maximum, he got tired and collapsed on the ground.. He had no idea where he actually was walking to, but then he heared footsteps - those of horses.
Image
He knew these would be Humans that tamed horses and ride on them, and if they would find him they would slaughter him at instance, shocked by this, Argahnur immediatly ducked behind the nearest bush and heared the running horses near the road he just took. He took a glance from above his bush and saw a group of Cavalrymen - preferably from the Wesnothian army, he immediately ducked behind the bush as the Cavalrymen rushed on their horses, while Agrahnur quietly hides behind a bush just 4 meters away from the road. After not hearing the horses anymore, he stood up and ran to a close foresthill where he watched as the Cavalrymen rushed to somewhere in the far distance, he can vaguely make out the smoke in the far distance behind a hill, probably from a Human village or minor town..
"Lancers are among the bravest and most feared riders in all of Wesnoth."

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usr-sbin
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Re: A Goblin's Tale

Post by usr-sbin » December 14th, 2009, 5:53 pm

That is most impressive considering English is not your native language.
Continuing Siege of Soradoc

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gimderel
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Re: A Goblin's Tale

Post by gimderel » December 14th, 2009, 6:49 pm

:geek: very nice :)

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Thrawn
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Re: A Goblin's Tale

Post by Thrawn » December 15th, 2009, 11:12 pm

Ah, I had a long, detailed post, but I never hit reply, and now it's gone.


Basically, it's very well written, better than some native speakers. However, there are some general problems, that detract from it as a whole.

My first issue is that you don't keep the tenses straight. You mix up between perfect, past, and present, with little reason.
Generally, here's how it works. In the past, if you are discussing something that happened *even earlier,* you don't use the same tense. That's pretty hard, as verb tenses change alot, but a good example of this is: he was always rejected. If your purpose was to say that he was rejected then, and had always been so, then saying he had always been rejected

In the past, if someone is *speaking* about the past, then you keep the dialog in past tense "I went to the store," Tom told me last week, as opposed to if it isn't dialog Last week, tom told me that he had gone to the store. Whatever you do, make sure that you keep the tenses in the story consistent. If you want, I could do a quick rewrite to illustrate this further.

My next problem is your introduction of the character. The way it comes out, One is not immediately sure if Argahnur is a orc or a goblin, because the phrase Argahnur was no except for the orcs means that Argahnur was an orc that shared the typical orcish view of goblins. The proper way to say that is very similar (english idiomatic speech is quite confusing I admit): Argahnur was no exception to the orcs, ("who viewed him as they did all the other goblins" is what this one implies)

The rest of the problems I have are quite minor, and again, if you want me to do a quick annotated rewrite, just let me know!

I love the use of in game images, as well as the story concept--I hope you finish this story!
...please remember that "IT'S" ALWAYS MEANS "IT IS" and "ITS" IS WHAT YOU USE TO INDICATE POSSESSION BY "IT".--scott

this goes for they're/their/there as well

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Lancer
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Re: A Goblin's Tale

Post by Lancer » December 16th, 2009, 12:00 am

Thrawn wrote: My first issue is that you don't keep the tenses straight. You mix up between perfect, past, and present, with little reason.
Generally, here's how it works. In the past, if you are discussing something that happened *even earlier,* you don't use the same tense. That's pretty hard, as verb tenses change alot, but a good example of this is: he was always rejected. If your purpose was to say that he was rejected then, and had always been so, then saying he had always been rejected.
&
My next problem is your introduction of the character. The way it comes out, One is not immediately sure if Argahnur is a orc or a goblin, because the phrase Argahnur was no except for the orcs means that Argahnur was an orc that shared the typical orcish view of goblins. The proper way to say that is very similar (english idiomatic speech is quite confusing I admit): Argahnur was no exception to the orcs, ("who viewed him as they did all the other goblins" is what this one implies)
Thank you, I fixed the "introduction" a little bit with this piece of information.
I do have alot of trouble with keeping tenses straight, because they happen to change mid-story,
such as changing from then to now.
The rest of the problems I have are quite minor, and again, if you want me to do a quick annotated rewrite, just let me know!
Sure, that would be nice. :P

The images are an experimental thing, and I decided to implement them as they could hand out an even sharper image of what's going on in the storyline, in most cases, it's just a vague image of what could be happening around and to give the reader a more visible story. In most cases, a unit does not resemble one soldier.
For example, in battles/wars 1 unit resembles a battalion of a hundred/thousand or more men of that particular class,
while in somes cases such as the Goblin in the forest would do represent just 1 person.


I'll be further working on this later.
"Lancers are among the bravest and most feared riders in all of Wesnoth."

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Thrawn
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Re: A Goblin's Tale

Post by Thrawn » December 16th, 2009, 4:51 am

@Lancer--be warned, I'm not a good writer, so take my liberties w/ a grain of salt.
__________________________

Because he was weak, frail, and slow, he had always been neglected and was considered a waste of space..
"Ya gobbo, yur nothin', jus a mistake at birth..."

He had always been frowned upon as the lowest of the goblins of this orcish tribe..
"Tha only point to yur puny life is to die fur us--we just hope ya manage to hurt them before yur snuffed owt!"

Little did the orcs know, that this particular Goblin was different from the others. Although physically weak, he was intelligent and had a grasp of social behaviors. However, because the stereotypical view of all Goblins had always been negative, little Argahnur was no exception to the "superior" orcs, who saw nothing special in him. And so, it would only be a matter of time untill Argahnur would be thrown into an orcish raid with his fellow goblins, to march towards their inevitable demise...

Unfortunately for him, that day has now come..

When the restlessness in the clan caused the orcs to make their next raid, the Goblins were quickly thrown in the frontlines by their superiors as they always were. As they marched to a small town occupied by a Wesnothian army, Argahnur tried to gulp back his fear, knowing his end would be near; the other goblins did likewise. To the orcs behind them though, this was just another simple raid, while fend off for the organized Wesnothian army. Wolf Riders, covering the flanks of the Orcish lines, frowned and laughed upon the weakly equipped Goblins that marched to their end of their lives.
"Hey, why dontcha wimps have real weapons--that's right, because it'd be a waste on the likes of you," they jeered, along with other insults in that vein. While the mockery from those behind them did little to raise the moral of the already terrified goblins, the sight of ranks of organized and determined looking soldiers, wielding real spears rather than the crudely sharpened stakes held by the goblins, reduced them to quivering wrecks, who had to be pushed--in some cases quite literally-- by the orcs to move forward, towards those fearless men and their gleaming weapons.
Image

The command was given to charge, and the harsh sounds of rushing Orcs were carried to the frontline of the Wesnothian army. Undaunted, their bowmen unleashed a storm of arrows that clouded the skies, causing immediate casualties among goblins and orcs alike. Through this rain of death, the orcish army advanced. Shortly before the two armies met face to face, the spearmen threw javelins into the front rank of the orcish army, the goblin mob. It was in that salvo that Argahnur lost the only person he could call his friend. While the orcs clashed against the human lines, swords clashing against shield, and veteran Longbowmen shooting increasing the death toll of the Orcish lines, Argahnur managed to escape the fate he had previously shared with the other goblins in the frontline.
The death of his friend broke him out of his mindless panic. His mind cleared, he realized that the chaos ensuing would provide excellent cover, under which he could make his escape, and throw off the oppressive life he knew. The desertion and survival of a goblin was previously unheard of, even to the oldest Lorekeeper families, whose knowledge of orcish traditions and histories was passed orally from generation to generation.

Considering his options, Argahnur immediately ruled out simply retreating. Running back would mean he was a traitor and a coward, and whichever orc was nearest to him would have the right to kill him for such behavior. He decided instead to make his way to the left flank, or what little of it remained. He made haste, knowing that he needed to get there before the humans overran it completely. Luckily, because of his low profile and stature, he got to his destination without mishap, and slipped away from the battlefield unnoticed...

A couple of minutes later, Argahnur stopped to catch his breath behind a hill where nobody could see him.
He knew that treachery would be punished with torture and death if he encountered any orcs, and any other race would kill him on sight thinking he is just "another" Goblin. This fact, that he was completely alone, came as a slap to his face.

_________________
something that I realized reading this and changing it is that you don't need to capitalize as many nouns as you did XD If you have any questions as to why I made a change that I did, feel free to ask!
...please remember that "IT'S" ALWAYS MEANS "IT IS" and "ITS" IS WHAT YOU USE TO INDICATE POSSESSION BY "IT".--scott

this goes for they're/their/there as well

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xbriannova
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Re: A Goblin's Tale

Post by xbriannova » December 19th, 2009, 2:27 pm

Your English is not perfect, but then again, who's perfect? It doesn't matter for as long as the story's interesting and creative. It really is. Keep it going, I'll be a regular reader.
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tuahaa
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Re: A Goblin's Tale

Post by tuahaa » January 23rd, 2010, 6:56 am

moar...

It's a good story. Those images make a big difference too

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