Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

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Zigg
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Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by Zigg » September 9th, 2009, 7:18 pm

This is a Wesnoth Fan Fiction about a group of adventurers - 4 Dwarves, 2 Wood Elves, 3 Wesnothian Soldiers and a Part Human Part Elf Mage - who try to take over some Caves full of Gold and Jewels.

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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by Zigg » September 9th, 2009, 7:35 pm

Chapter 1 - Fall of the Caves

A small human village, on the planet Irdya, was set up in the mountains. Near the village was a large group of caves full of gold, silver and precious jewels. The village's mayor knew this, so he had defenses built up around the caves and sent in young men to mine. For years the village flourished from the gold that the Miners brought back. They were short on nothing, for they traded what they mined for things like cloth, lumber and food.

A few young children ran around a lake at the bottom of the mountain and pretended to be strong warriors with magic swords fighting evil monsters with big teeth and smelly breath. Up in the village the residents went from market stall to market stall, trading valuables. Once, an old man hobbled up the path, then something caught his eye. It was a marvelous painting of their first king, standing in front of their greatest castle as it was at the time of the painting. It was propped up by a plank of wood and rested on a large wooden table. Behind the table was a man with a small black goatee and neatly combed hair. "Exuse me, but how much is that painting" croaked the old man. "Oh, it's twelve bronze coins." answered the man at the table "Want it?". "Yes please." replied the old man, taking some coins from a small, dirty bag, then handing them to the man. He then picked up the picture and carried it off, slightly bent over by it's small weight.
Last edited by Zigg on January 4th, 2010, 4:21 pm, edited 9 times in total.

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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by thespaceinvader » September 9th, 2009, 7:45 pm

How many times?

RANDOM CAPS ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND!

Listen, please :annoyed:
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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by Zigg » September 9th, 2009, 8:23 pm

Sorry...

Continued.

They continued to prosper until the dragon came, then they were destroyed. Torrents of fire flew from the dragon's mouth and burnt them, slams from it's paws threw walls down and it's claws ripped down whatever they could reach. Arrows and throwing axes clattered off of it's scales, and none with a scimitar, glaive, or axe could come near whilst they lived. The water spirits summoned by Mages were no match for the storm borne of pumping wings, because they were blown apart. The miners fled deeper into the caves, and the villagers scattered. But they couldn't escape, for it flew overhead and then unleashed enough fire to burn a legion of men. Those who weren't in the group were tracked and eaten, or burnt by short blasts of fire. All but four friends who had fled the instant it was sighted.

Those in the mine were no better off, for that was it's true target. It walked in and hunted them down one by one, and made sure to give them nasty deaths. That marked the fall of the Caves Of Gold into the dragon's reign, and the start of an epic tale.
Last edited by Zigg on September 13th, 2009, 7:47 pm, edited 6 times in total.

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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by thespaceinvader » September 9th, 2009, 8:54 pm

*gives up*
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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by Zigg » September 10th, 2009, 7:14 am

What? If you actually point out where the mistakes are i can remove them!

Chapter 2 - Glas, Andrus, Glati and Nardrlos

Days later, a dwarven mining party was returning to Knalga. They had been up in the far north, looking for rare minerals to mine. They were hungry, tired and annoyed, for their journey had yielded no results. There were many miners, and nearly as many guards, all lead by a captain who went by the name of Andruil. They walked wearily over the mountains, longing for their homes in the Caves of Knalga.

A few of them were Glas, Andrus, Glati and Nardrlos. Glas was young for a Dwarf, being ninety-seven. He wears lighter armor than most other Dwarves, only leather padding, in order to move fast, and carries an axe and many throwing axes. He had a straight blonde beard, blue eyes, well combed blonde hair and he was slightly taller than the average dwarf. Andrus was quite experienced, being one-hundred and thirty two, and had a deep scar from his left eye to his chin, slightly to the right. He had a small metal helmet, coat of chainmail over his chest, wore thick leather armor all over and carried a thick wooden shield, using a sharp axe. He had a brown bushy beard, brown eyes, wild hair down to his shoulders and was slightly short, even for a Dwarf. Glati was one-hundred and sixty-four, and had thick grey hair and a wild, grey beard. He wore the same as Glas, but Glas' was thinner and weaker, using a thunderstick to kill enemies. Nardrlos was the same age as Andrus, but looked as young as Glas. He wore nothing but strips of cloth and leaves, wielding a huge axe.

Rain and snow fell from above as the party trudged wearily along the long, thin mountain path, looking for a cave to shelter in. For about an hour they walked, as fast as they could in the thick snow, until they came to a large cave. Glas and another scout ran in and checked for Orcs and beasts of the darkness, but found nothing but rock, so they called the others in. They ran in and found dry spots to huddle under their blankets in, exhausted. Some stayed out to catch some animals to eat, and most of them were out for about half an hour before they came in and shared out rabbits and goats, which were cooked on a fire in the corner. When the meal finished, the members of the company started to fall asleep.

They slept for some time, then Glas woke up and raised everyone else. The whole company was up, after a fair bit of grumbling, within a few minutes. They set out over the mountains, on narrow, twisting paths, or just headed in the direction of Knalga at times. "Nearleh back now, only four more days." said Andrus. "Aww, i'm enjoying' this." replied Glas. "Are ya? I'm hatin' it." said Nardrlos. "Why?" asked Glas. "Cos there is nuthin ta do." answered Nardrlos. "Are ye jokin'? There's load ta do! Climbin', sprintin', sight-seein'..." replied Glas. "Yea, but i don't like that stuff." replied Nardrlos "I like fightin', explorin', wood-cutin'..." explained Nardrlos. "In other words, usin' yer axe." laughed Glas, then sprinted away. "At least he 'as some sense." sighed Andrus. "Sense,, where's ta sense in 'im, gimmie one exzample?" questioned Nardrlos. "Sprintin' away." replied Andrus. "Aye, good point." replied Nardrlos.

They walked for hours more, waiting for Andruil's command to find shelter. "Wake up!." said Andrus to Glati, trying to get some speech out of him.

All of a sudden, orcs leapt out on them, swords drawn. The dwarves were ready though, for seconds later they were wielding axes, hammers and thundersticks. Death was hurled into the ranks of the orcs and many of their legs made a sudden departure, but fire spread through the dwarven ranks and death rained from above. Andruil flung a hatchet and caught an enemy in the eye, then ducked under a swarm of arrows. Glas drew a throwing axe and leapt between two orcs, arms outstretched. Andrus broke a goblin spear with his shield, then beheaded the goblin. Glati's thunderstick fired shot after shot, filled with annoyance at being held up. Nardrlos was claimed by a frenzy and tore through enemies like a yeti. The miners huddled up, hacking with picks at orcs. The rest of the dwarves hacked with axes, stabbed with spears or fired thundersticks.

The battle wore on, and both sides grew tired, and suffered many wounds. Eventually, of all the orcs only their leader still stood. He leapt over the spears and axes of the dwarves, landing by Andruil, who stood on a rock. He lashed out with his dual swords, and they clanged against Andruil's shield. Andruil then lashed out, but missed and toppled from the rock. The orc leader leader, slashed violently at Andruil's back. "No, Andruil!" called Nardrlos then, filled with anger at the death of his leader, ran at the orc leader and tore him apart with many vicious strokes. "Foul Beast" he spat, then dropped his axe and fell to his knees.

"Who's in charge now?" said Andrus in an attempt to restore order "Who shall lead us back ta Knalga?". "I don't know... Do any of ye?" said Glas "I reckon' Nardrlos should." said the last remaining Miner. "Nay, i don't want the pressure." replied Nardrlos. "Should i, bein' the oldest?" said Glati. "I reckon' that's about right." said Glas. "Aye, so do i." said Andrus. "Aye, me too, so Glati shall lead us." said the miner, though he really didn't care, just wanted to get home.
Last edited by Zigg on September 19th, 2009, 8:36 am, edited 17 times in total.

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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by StDrake » September 10th, 2009, 8:35 am

excuse me are you german? you're capitalising nouns where they don't need it. What's funny 'dwarven' isnt even a noun.

also, in the first part you wrote "when it came" without anything the "it" could refer to. What came? By how it's written one would understand that the village got destroyed by Total Security
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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by AI » September 10th, 2009, 8:53 am

StDrake speaks my thoughts: In English, one only capitalizes proper nouns (like Knalga) and words that start a sentence.
Racial names are not proper nouns, nor are weapons.

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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by Zigg » September 10th, 2009, 3:32 pm

ARGH! Can anyone comment on something else!?

@St. Drake - NO I AM NOT :evil: !

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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by thespaceinvader » September 10th, 2009, 4:09 pm

Zigg: chill.

I've explained to you where caps should go on at least three other occasions. I simply can't be bothered to do it again. You don't listen, so why should I take the time?
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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by Thrawn » September 10th, 2009, 6:53 pm

Generally the plot seems to go to quickly, and it reads like perhaps a 9th grade story of what they did on summer vacation--something note helped by the already harped-to-death capitalizations... Besides that, the idea seems interesting enough ^_^ can't wait to see what happens!

Just a comment---if you were writing deliberately archaically, than caps wouldn't be wrong--but that doesn't seem to be the case.
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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by lotsofphil » September 10th, 2009, 6:59 pm

tsi: you hijacked his thread less than 30 minutes after he posted. Seems wrong for you to tell him not to be annoyed by that.

Zigg, like the person above me said, it reads really fast. See how it reads if you flesh out each "scene"/piece of action more. Also, is there a reason you are posting in such short segments?

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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by thespaceinvader » September 10th, 2009, 7:16 pm

*shrug*

He should know better by now.
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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by StDrake » September 11th, 2009, 4:49 pm

truespaminvader wrote:Zigg:chill.
double on that, i was just asking of germanity cause german language actually demanded capitalising nouns, some habits are hard to get through

now then, not a bad story but you could do some stylistic corrections:
Zigg wrote:[..] and none with a Scimitar, Glaive, or Axe could come near whilst they lived.
without the 'a' it would look more stylish, as would using a limple "alive" instead of that "whilst they lived"
Zigg wrote: Those who weren't in the group were tracked down and eaten, or burnt by well-aimed blasts of fire. All but one lady who had fled the instant it was sighted.
my eng grammar isn't the top condition but id use 'get' instead of 'were' too.
There's a problem with some "it"s in places where they lose connection to what they should be referring to (i assume they all concern the dragon, but the text doesnt show that precisely) and uhm.. it's =/= its
That is how the Caves of Gold fell to a Dragon, and the start of an epic quest.
YEOWCH! MY EYES! that's an ugly display of bad temporal connections - first part of the sentence uses past tense and the second is a timeless noun phrase. Please..either use something like "and an epic quest began" or turn the "fell" into a noun phrase as well like "That marked the fall of the caves of gold into the dragons reign, and the start of an epic quest"

The second chapter is in much better condition. I love the bit about the sudden departure of legs :D
..and then comes the "But". 'but really looks better after a comma (,) while making a rather nasty beginning of a new sentence. If you want to open a new sentence try things like "however".
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Re: Wesnoth Fan Fiction - Caves Of Gold

Post by The1exile » September 12th, 2009, 1:22 am

Your first chapter, if it is a chapter, is more than a little brisk. You go straight through and describe a basic plot without any room for real description. It doesn;t exactly breed suspense. The second chapter is much the same. If I can read an account of the battle in half a minute, it's not really an epic worth describing.
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