Heir To The Throne - End game victory screen is wordy

For writers working on documentation, story prose, announcements, and all kinds of Wesnoth text.

Moderators: Forum Moderators, Developers

Post Reply
Toad
Posts: 7
Joined: August 23rd, 2009, 12:15 am
Location: Canada
Contact:

Heir To The Throne - End game victory screen is wordy

Post by Toad » August 31st, 2009, 1:35 am

I'm new to BFW, currently playing the Heir To The Throne campaign.

I noted that the end-game victory screen is wordy and hard to understand.

It reads,
You will start the next scenario with X on top of the defined minimum starting gold.
This would be much improved if written this way:
You will start the next scenario with X bonus gold.

User avatar
Elvish_Pillager
Posts: 8129
Joined: May 28th, 2004, 10:21 am
Location: Everywhere you think, nowhere you can possibly imagine.
Contact:

Re: Heir To The Throne - End game victory screen is wordy

Post by Elvish_Pillager » August 31st, 2009, 3:01 am

I find the current way easier to understand. If I have "X bonus gold", that's X gold in addition to what?

i.e. "on top of what."

Actually, I'm not sure "on top of" is the best phrase to use there; it seems too colloquial. (Would "in addition to" make more sense to you? or just "plus"?)

"You will start the next scenario with that scenario's minimum starting gold plus X bonus gold."
It's all fun and games until someone loses a lawsuit. Oh, and by the way, sending me private messages won't work. :/ If you must contact me, there's an e-mail address listed on the website in my profile.

User avatar
melinath
Posts: 1298
Joined: May 20th, 2009, 7:42 am

Re: Heir To The Throne - End game victory screen is wordy

Post by melinath » August 31st, 2009, 3:50 am

Just wanted to say it's nice to see you taking an interest in this! Best of luck! Seems like a good idea - though I agree with Elvish Pillager on the point about 'bonus gold' being unclear as well.

btw, it's worth mentioning that the text you're working with is not just used in HttT. ;-)

User avatar
shadowm
Site Administrator
Posts: 6579
Joined: November 14th, 2006, 5:54 pm
Location: Chile
Contact:

Re: Heir To The Throne - End game victory screen is wordy

Post by shadowm » August 31st, 2009, 2:47 pm

melinath wrote:btw, it's worth mentioning that the text you're working with is not just used in HttT. ;-)
Yes, it's provided by the engine based on the scenario's configuration.

This text is generated by the method playsingle_controller::report_victory() from src/playsingle_controller.cpp in case anyone's interested in providing a patch for it. Also note that the seemingly duplicated strings passed to vngettext() in each case are essential for localization of plurals.
Last edited by shadowm on August 31st, 2009, 2:51 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Reason: Linked to the Patch Submission Guidelines.
Author of the unofficial UtBS sequels Invasion from the Unknown and After the Storm.

Toad
Posts: 7
Joined: August 23rd, 2009, 12:15 am
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: Heir To The Throne - End game victory screen is wordy

Post by Toad » August 31st, 2009, 3:51 pm

Elvish Pillager wrote:I find the current way easier to understand. If I have "X bonus gold", that's X gold in addition to what?

i.e. "on top of what."
For me, the extra words get in the way and make the sentence clumsy. If something is described as a "bonus", I automatically comprehend that it's a reward in addition to whatever I am due to receive.

User avatar
Neoskel
Art Contributor
Posts: 724
Joined: November 27th, 2007, 5:05 am

Re: Heir To The Throne - End game victory screen is wordy

Post by Neoskel » September 1st, 2009, 6:29 pm

You will start the next scenario with X on top of the defined minimum starting gold.
How about:
You will start the next scenario with X more gold than the defined minimum starting gold.
Not shorter, but less awkward and more easily understood grammar.

User avatar
Deusite
Translator
Posts: 110
Joined: May 31st, 2009, 1:38 am
Location: Oxford

Re: Heir To The Throne - End game victory screen is wordy

Post by Deusite » September 1st, 2009, 7:16 pm

Is it necessary to say both 'defined' and 'minimum'? It seems a bit excessive to me.

Maybe this:
You will start the next scenario with X gold more than the minimum starting gold.
AKA Marz
Two profiles are better than one
Latin Translator

Post Reply