Isle of Alduin - My first try

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ancestral
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Re: Isle of Alduin - My first try

Post by ancestral » April 1st, 2009, 3:18 am

Well, some constructive criticism from me. Keep in mind I'm not a professional musician, only just a little musically talented.

I like the beginning, I like how the melody changes. I keep hoping there'd be a break at about :30, but it does keep the listener at edge, which isn't a bad thing at all. It's hard to figure if the melody from the start is a theme that gets revisited — since there's so much twisting and meandering, it's hard to tell if it's maybe just quite a bit of variation — in either case, the song certainly doesn't sit still!

I like the harp, but it sounds a little muted, you don't hear much in the pluck or resonance of the strings. It comes in around :42 and very apparent at 1:37 — in fact, at first, I wasn't convinced it was a harp at all playing the staccato notes there. I'm not a harpist, but the pluck and the sustain are very, very hard to discern in this piece, if there is any. I don't know if the staccato or pizzicato starting at 1:37 here adds to the flow of the piece, either; you might consider toying around with that.

Take this for an example of what a harp (in this, with clarinet) might sound like. Obviously your song is a bit softer, so I think this would need to be softened a little for this piece, but you can hear the longer sustain: Harp Demo

Maybe the cymbals could come in along with the drums? It seems like a lot of cymbals that may be a little out of place? I'm not sure how I feel about it. I might just be whining :)

The snare drums also seem a bit flat, at 2:08 through the end. Maybe they need to be louder, deeper, and richer, or if you can, maybe try a different sample.

It also seems like the drums come in kind of late to the song, that maybe it would help if there were some drums earlier? I do like the drum you have at the beginning (is that a bodhran, or just a bass drum?)
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Adri42
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Re: Isle of Alduin - My first try

Post by Adri42 » April 1st, 2009, 1:39 pm

Update

EDIT: I really would like to know about your opinion!

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West
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Re: Isle of Alduin - My first try

Post by West » April 1st, 2009, 4:10 pm

Adri42 wrote:EDIT: I really would like to know about your opinion!
I'm sure you do, buy you are not making such significant changes that I see any point in commenting on each single update. But okay, some quick remarks:

- The chord progression between 0:10 and 0:42 feels completely random.
- The ensemble strings sound chorused.
- You need a snare with velocity layers.
- The piece has no sense of direction.
- The part at 1:54 is a mess. Really.

Aside from that, much of my original comments are still valid. It still sounds like a full ensemble strings sample. The flute is still too loud. Everything is still very stiff and lifeless. You still haven't worked on the dynamics. Why ask for more feedback when you haven't even tried to adress some of the fundamental issues I remarked on earlier? This tune isn't suddenly going to become problem-free just because you append more new stuff.

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Re: Isle of Alduin - My first try

Post by Adri42 » April 1st, 2009, 6:33 pm

Well, I have changed quite a lot.
I have changed all samples for the strings.
I have tried to make the snares sound louder and deeper.
I have tried to make the harp sound more realistic.
I have already written that I have not as much knowledge as a professional composer.
If that is not enough, I would rather know what I could change and how I could do it, instead of reading how much the part at 1:54 is bothering you.

Where is the 'nice balance between classicism and a sort of fairytale mood' now?
And I have read that much of your original comments are still valid, not all.
Which does not fit in with your last sentence.

Also, there isn't more of my music. This is my third piece I've ever written with my PC, and the others were deleted by a computer crash.

This piece isn't written with the help of years of musical experience. I just tried to express what I was hearing, what i was imagining. This piece is the result, and if you or anyone else don't like it, I really wanted, want and will want to make it better.

But I didn't want to waste my time with creating a piece, that is charachterized as a 'mess', although it should 'turn out great' someday.

PS:
You haven't been able to encourage me, hopefully just not yet. And this is more difficult because there is much more to improve than just humanizing the theme. I don't doubt this.
Last edited by Adri42 on April 2nd, 2009, 3:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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West
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Re: Isle of Alduin - My first try

Post by West » April 1st, 2009, 7:45 pm

Adri42 wrote:This piece isn't written with the help of years of musical experience. I just tried to impress what I was hearing, what i was imagining. This piece is the result, and if you or anyone else don't like it, I really wanted, want and will want to make it better.

But I didn't want to waste my time with creating a piece, that is charachterized as a 'mess', although it should 'turn out great' someday.
Likewise, I don't want to waste my time saying "fix this, fix that" when it is obvious that you're not quite sure how to go about it. This is not a music class.

You asked for feedback. You got it. My job is not to encourage you; what you do with the feedback I give is your concern.

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Re: Isle of Alduin - My first try

Post by Adri42 » April 2nd, 2009, 4:04 pm

West wrote:
Likewise, I don't want to waste my time saying "fix this, fix that" when it is obvious that you're not quite sure how to go about it. This is not a music class.

You asked for feedback. You got it. My job is not to encourage you; what you do with the feedback I give is your concern.
:| Well, I think the best I can do now is to completely rework the piece, trying to fix everything you have mentioned.

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Adri42
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Re: Isle of Alduin - My first try

Post by Adri42 » April 5th, 2009, 3:35 pm

I've rewritten the first part:

From sea to island

Instruments:
-violas
-violin
-oboe
-harp
-percussion

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Re: Isle of Alduin - My first try

Post by Rain » April 11th, 2009, 5:38 am

42, I listened to your piece.


It sounds like you don't really know where you are off to. There is a nice dreamy quality to your music but this is kind of borderline schizo, atm. There is a lack of direction. I think it would benefit you and your music to conceptualize a direction through an instrument and plot some tonal points to your music to pivot off of so the music maintains a sense of equilibrium and continuity.

Having an instrument that allows you to quickly access ideas and create new situations harmonically is very helpful. That may be what you need to visualize where your music has the potential to go and getting a bit more solid.

Good luck!

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Re: Isle of Alduin - My first try

Post by gmlion » April 12th, 2009, 9:39 am

Hi, I've listened to your firt part. I think it's quite good, but I can't say much being it less that 20 seconds...the route seems fine to me anyway.
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Re: Isle of Alduin - My first try

Post by West » May 16th, 2009, 8:05 pm

Adri42 wrote:I've rewritten the first part:

From sea to island

Instruments:
-violas
-violin
-oboe
-harp
-percussion
Sounds good so far, but it's a very short clip so I can't be more in-depth than that. I wouldn't mind hearing more.

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